Top 5 dating tips...

Dating Lessons I have learned:

#1 Do not take home drunk bitches from parties. Inevitably they will shoot you in the gut with your own gun, kidnap your dog and steal your car, although not necessarily in that order.

#2 There is a certain age range that one should observe. For instance if you are over 25, a 20 year old is probably not your best choice, you may want to go with someone closer to your age. This rule is only applicable to women, cos men will date anything with 2 breasts and a giggle, age is not important to the cock.

#3 Buying gifts that can die isn’t your best bet. Living animals and cut flowers being the biggest offenders in this group, with houseplants running a close second, are just a bad bad bad idea.

#4 Dating outside your intellect is like playing with fire, sometimes you get burned and sometimes it’s just ‘Ooo pretty.’

#5 Never trust someone who just wants to ‘share’ a bed. They will break your heart in a million ways and not even realize it.