Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: I'd like to thank the academy...

 Monday, September 26, 2005

I'd like to thank the academy...

So after football season starting, the wrath of mother nature, and the beginning of awards show season I am once again bothered by something. You may be trying to figure out what these events all have in common, and I will let you know, people involved in all of these have probably uttered the following statement: “I would like to thank God…” (only capitalized cos I’m quoting believers) for something.

I don’t care if they want to thank god. What I care about is that no one ever blames god. I mean you didn’t see them talking to Terri Hatcher after the Emmys and her saying, Damn that god, he really fucked me this time, maybe he won’t hate me so much during the people’s choice awards. Or see Brett Favre after another losing game say, well god just wasn’t on our side today. Or see J. Lo tell people that god just didn’t want her and Ben to be together. Or hear the Weinstein’s explain that their last movie tanked cos god just isn’t a fan (although they are Jewish so who knows!).

What really bothers me the most though are victims of tragedy. Every day I see some person, whose life has been washed into the Gulf, or alternately covered in toxic sludge and the first thing they say is “God was watching out for us.” That’s just bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Because if this god was so interested in helping people, and making their lives better, than he wouldn’t have let the fucking hurricane strike in the first place! Yes I said it, where was god when your life got ruined? When your daughter got raped in the Superdome? When your son got beaten to death in an alley for his FEMA debit card? Where was god when your grandmother drowned in her attic? Where the fuck was he? What was he busy working on African famine (no), maybe curing AIDS (no), maybe he was helping to create tolerance (no), maybe stopping the Catholics from fucking little boys (no), or was it time for his stories on the giant big screen TV in heaven so he just missed the hurricanes cos they didn’t happen during a commercial break (maybe)?

If you can thank god, then you should be able to blame god. It’s that simple. Shit, I don’t believe in god, but I still blame him when shit goes bad. I mean who hasn’t had a moment where they wanted to pump an angry fist in the air and scream why fucker? Why? (fucker meaning god)

When believers succeed they thank god, but when they fail, they blame themselves. The logic of this is the kind of logic that isn’t logic at all! It’s the same kind of logic that allows them to believe in the first place. When it’s good, it’s god. When it’s bad, we fucked up god’s plan. I don’t understand why god can’t fuck up.

Occasionally groups of people carry out horrible deeds in the name of god, even then god doesn’t get blamed, it becomes a matter of ‘lord save me from your followers.’ They blame the person (because they are weak), but never the god. God has no responsibility or accountability (whoa, sounds a bit too much like Pres. Bush).

Alternately when bad things happen to these people sometimes they think they made god angry and so he is punishing them. Do you actually think god has enough time on his hands to hand out individual punishment? 6+ billion on this planet, and he has time for your stupid little, I fucked the neighbor bullshit? I’m thinking no. Again, no one blames god, they thank him for bringing to them the realization that they fucked up and had to be punished.

It must be good to be god, all blame free and able to get away with anything.

Personally, when something good happens to me, I’m gonna be proud that it probably happened because of the place I put myself in, for the things I did that lead up to the moment when something good could happen to me. If I fuck up, I’m gonna take responsibility for it too. I will be held accountable for my life. Will you? Or are you just gonna give the credit to god?

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