Happy Whore-o-Ween!! Halloweekend Update...

Halloween, or as it has been so dubbed this year, Whore-o-Ween, my favorite holiday. Actually for me it is sort of the only holiday. Screw Christmas, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day, give me a day (or weekend) to be someone else, and oh boy am I happy. So without further ado, here is my wrap-up...

First up: The costumes I had possibly set up for myself:

#1 Piratess: I like the idea of female pirates, a whole crew of them, pillaging and plundering the countryside. There were boots and my Stevie Nicks skirt and a $300 purple corset. The problem? No billowy black pirate like girly shirt. All attempts at finding one on short order failed, even with the sudden popularity of the peasant top I failed. That's okay, I bought a pattern to make my own, next year I am so there...

#2 Paris Hilton: What else would you do with a tiny tweed skirt and blazer? Last year this was my Stepford Wife costume, but I thought with the addition of a tiny chihuaha stuffed animal and a tacky blonde wig (her hair is fake anyways) that I could pull this off. Alas, my Taco Bell chihuaha I think was a victim of the move, and blonde wigs were in short order.

#3 Donatella Versace: Again the blonde wig was a problem, but a little bronzer, some over-done eye make-up and a cocktail dress and Ta-Da! Instant Donatella (just add martinis)! This was inspired my Khrysten and my's love of Maya Rudolph's Donatella Versace show on Saturday Night Live.

#4 Cheerleader: My dad recently found my Varsity jacket from High School (yes I had one, go ahead beat me up, it looked great with combat boots and platinum blonde hair), and I had absconded away with my uniform when they kicked me off the squad (again the combat boots were not seen as displaying the proper amount of school spirit, nor were Chuck Taylor's or pink hair). My mother packed this away when they packed away my life when they kicked me out of the house. Recently my mother had unearthed the uniform, and then proceeded to lose it again. Thwarted again.

#5 Catholic School Girl: As you can tell from the photos (to be uploaded tomorrow cos my computer's bein' a bitch), this is what I ended up. It was sort of what I knew I would end up, but I was trying to be more creative than that. Catholic School girl is such a cliche costume, it's like naughty nurse or flight attendant, it's played out. After seeing the photos though, with the red-eye I look like a senior at Satan's School for Girls (don't watch the movie, it sucks). Sometimes the costume chooses us, or the Hot Topic makes the perfect skirt and shirt and you can't stop yourself from uncontrollably spending. Bastards.

Friday Night: I hadn't planned on dressing up on Friday, it was sort of a last second thing, so I hauled ass to pull myself together while watching the Best of Jimmy Fallon with Khrysten. She was my photographer cos I forgot my camera and apparently no one else I know wanted to commemorate Halloween insanity. We went to the bar as per usual. Then we headed to Mad Planet. On the east side of the river we were the only people dressed up. On the west side, we were not alone by any means. We being Amanda, Neil, Gene and I. I've decided to list my favorite costumes from each night, and here is friday:

#1 Towlie from South Park. Fucking Brilliant
#2 X-mas tree girl, who lit up and played X-mas music.
#3 Guy dressed up like the dude from Team America World Police. Dirka Dirka
#4 Pennywise the Clown: still giving me the creeps 3 days later...
#5 Cow Bell Guy, just cos I got the joke. We need more cowbell!! (to get the joke watch the Best of Will Ferrell SNL DVD or the Best of Christopher Walken SNL DVD)

Saturday Night: A Catholic Bishop, a Cowboy and a School Girl walk into a bar, ouch. I met the boys at the landmark, where the Kool bitches gave us some swag, then we headed over to the Von Trier for some back room shindig. There was free booze, but I could not partake cos I needed to get my ass to Racine. In Racine I went to the Ivanhoe (aka the 'hoe) to meet Khrysten (little red devil girl), Dave (another cowboy), Joe (vampire) and Chris (either a vampire victim or a sex slave, couldn't tell), which is where the complete and utter madness was.

Milwaukee Best:
#1 Abortion Doctor at the Landmark, F-ing brilliant use of coat hanger
#2 Fidel Castro
#3 Star Wars Walker thingy (from the old star wars, I have no clue what the thing is called but it was an amazing costume)
#4 Frida Kahlo
#5 Tie between: Twinkie the Kid and the guy dressed up like a middle eastern water pipe.
Honorable mentions: LHG- Level Headed Guy (just cos I had to figure it out), Dr. Evil Knevil (for pure ingenuity)

Racine's best:
#1 BETTIE FUCKING PAGE!!
#2 Australian Ostritch racer
#3 Serial Killer complete with head and hatchet
#4 Doug, owner of the Ivanhoe for wearing pirate regalia, carrying a mead cup, shackles, a real human skull and a rubber chicken
#5 Tie between Khrysten's Little Red Devil and Joe's Vampire


Things learned this Halloween:
#1 Halloween is all about boobs for girls.
#2 The only costumes that are cool for chicks involve objectifying stereotypes, and for one night a year (or 2) we don't fucking care.
#3 Wives don't like to watch their husbands fondle school girls, but they will any ways.
#4 Old Pimp Dudes can't stop calling me a little slut.
#5 When the crowd cries 'one more button' you should obey.
#6 A wooden ruler is a neccessity if you are a Catholic School Girl, don't leave home without one.
#7 A Trolley full of Elvises can be hi-larious at times.
#8 Did I mention the boobs?
#9 Catholisicm is an incredibly popular Halloween choice, between the popes, priests, the bishop, the nuns and myself I think we proved people fear Catholics, or love them.
#10 Raging 'til dawn is still possible if you have enough sarcasm to keep you going (and Firefly and The Best of Will Ferrell)

Swag collected:
Kool fan (good protection against fog machines), 2 lighters (cos Neil broke his), cheesy mardi-gras like necklace, glowing button, lolli-pop, and a Joan of Arc icon (warrior women rule).

Hours spent sleeping this weekend: 10
Hours spent in costume: 13

All in all, Halloween weekend was pretty much a success. More Halloweenie madness tomorrow!