Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: Declaration of Personal Jihads

 Sunday, November 13, 2005

Declaration of Personal Jihads

I have decided to declare Jihad on the following:

#1 My cat, Mister
#2 The Fox Network
#3 The Black Plague

Why? See Khrysten's latest post: Stray Weekend Thoughts for some sort of explanation.

Jihad #1: Mister

See the cute little orange kittie in the picture? That is Mister, the cat I have declared holy war on. Why? Because he's a little asshole. He's a demanding little needy fuck. And he makes noise all night so I never get a decent nights rest. I love him to death, but sometimes, I'd like to lock him in a tiny room and make him deal with himself to see that he is a pain in the ass. He also has an obsession with cowboys outfits, burros and Chris Klein, but that's another post.

#2 The Fox Network:

Fux Network I declare jihad on you for once again ruining my TV schedule. Fux constantly cancels the shows I love. I don't know why I keep coming back for the pain, I don't know why I still trust that you won't cancel everything you air that doesn't suck. At least this time you didn't send Arrested Development and Kitchen Confidential to the Friday night death slot, you killed them where they lay. So fuck you Fux. RIP Arrested Development & Kitchen Confidential, I now add you to the list of shit Fux has killed that I loved:

The Inside, Wonderfalls, Dark Angel, Firefly, Tru Calling, Point Pleasant, and all the other shows I now cherish on DVD that you fucked up. Thanks for the memories.

#3 The Black Plague (aka The Plague or the Black Death) :

Dear Plague, After watching a really cool show all about you, I have decided that I am disappointed in you. You want to know why? Because you haven't mutated and wiped out half of the earth recently. I know there are still outbreaks world wide, but it lacks the original 'punch' you had going for you when you were all shiny and new. Mutate bitch! Either that or encourage your friends Ebola and Avian Flu to hurry the hell up. Population control is a responsibility not to be taken so lightly my deadly little friend. Just don't get me sick.
Thanks, your friend, BlackEyedGurl.

That's it, all my Jihads unveiled. My Jihads will be conducted from my couch, so don't worry I won't be blowing anything up. Instead I will ignore my cat, not watch anything on Fux, and keep close tabs on pandemics and epidemics keeping my fingers crossed that my beratement of microbes will inspire them.

Votes Of Sympathy:6

Comments Blogger mrcoolbadguy said...

When I lived in Seattle I had an orange cat Taboo, if it was in my room at night it would sit and whack the door jam thing, or jump off of my windowsill onto my bed right next to my head and make my head bounce up in the air until I'd open the door and let him out. But I had to put him to sleep cause he got kitty AIDS. R.I.P. I made a mix for him though, I'll have to upload it and post it.

9:07 AM  
Comments Blogger lysie6211 said...

yeah snoop kitty kat has been pretty good lately. but sometimes he is such a little asshole i feel like i'm going to get all midevil on his little ass.

Fox cancelled AD and KC???!?! Dude they so suck donkey balls.

9:20 AM  
Comments Blogger Riss said...

Can you lift the jihad on Fox in time for the next season of 24? Then you can put it back after it's done. Thanks!

1:27 PM  
Comments Blogger Eric said...

I agree with #2. In fact I liken Fox to a big steamy pile of #2 in most ways.

Number three has me puzzled. It's almost like you are asking Robert Plant and Jimmy Page what they've done for us lately. Didn't the Black Plague do enough in its prime? Shouldn't diseases get a nice long relaxing retirement?

And Ebola is like Jim Morrison. Just when you've decided it's THE BEST, it's burned itself out. Quite often in a bathtub in France.

12:29 AM  
Comments Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

Lysie: Fox is insane!! Apparently they will be playing the last of the episodes though (thank god). The Opiate of the single girl will have to occur on a different network now.

Riss: I will lift the Jihad for the hour 24 is on, just for you (and my dad cos he loves that show).

Eris: The Ebola Jim Morrison thing is actually the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. Okay one of the funniest. hi-larious.

11:12 PM  
Comments Anonymous John said...

I have an orange cat named Milo that is also an pain in the rear.

He insist on sleeping on my son's head during the night. He also likes to pester my son in the middle of the night where he wants to play.


9:11 AM  

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