Sweeps is on Biatches!

I have no clue who put a lime hat on their cat, but this is one of those images that I can't get enough of. It always makes me laugh, probably cos I had a cat that looked like this once, he was stupid, so we probably could have outfitted him with a lime hat. Photo used without permission as per usual. I should just et a vague general disclaimer to put at the bottom of the page about shit like this.
Again, not profiting.

The news didn't do anything for me today (except the pirate news and the trailer park destroyed by the tornados), so here is just aplain old post. I will channel Tina Fey tomorrow.

I am a TV junkie. I love the TV. I am an only child so me and the TV were good friends growing up (even though I was not a latch-key kid or something like that, I was just very unlikeable (j/k, everyone liked me!)). Sweeps is upon us, the first round of gifts that the networks give us after weeks of reruns. So I thought I would let you, my faithful readers, know what is worth watching, just in case you didn’t know already:

BTW: all times are listed in EASTERN cos that’s the way they do it. I live in Central so for me and my mid-west buds it’ll be an hour earlier. Don't blame me if you miss a show. Check out TVguide.com for more help if you can't figure it out.

Mondays:
8:00 Arrested Development – Fox - Why on earth is no one watching this show? Its frickin’ hi-larious! Plus tonight Charlize Theron is guest starring. You know you loved Jason Batemen in Dodgeball as Pepper, you will love him even more on here.

8:30 How I Met Your Mother – CBS – This show is terrific. Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan make it worth your while as they are the funniest people on this show. That said, it is a funny sitcom that makes you start to wonder just when Ted is going to meet their damn mother.

8:30 Kitchen Confidential - Fox – This show isn’t on this week, but I wish it was. Again, why is no one watching this show? It’s freaking hilarious. Based off the Anthony Bourdain book of the same name, it shows the workings of a New York Restaurant and all the drama and hilarity behind it. This show is really funny, you’ve gotta give it a chance. Plus Nicholas Brendon (formerly of Buffy), Bradley Cooper (formerly of Alias), and Jaimie King (formerly James King) are all on it, and you know you like them.

10:00 Medium – NBC - Sometimes I watch this, more often I do not. During Sweeps though it should probably be good.

Tuesdays:
8:00 Bones – Fox – It pains me to realize of all the Buffy Alumni David Boreanaz is doing the best. It also pains me that I really loved this show at first, but after missing a few episodes I realized I didn’t really miss it at all. That said, this week I will be tuning in, if only to see if it’s still worth it to watch.

9:00 Supernatural – WB- Two incredibly hot guys scour the country looking for their father and what killed their mother (and one dudes love). Did I mention they are really hot and drive around in a classic car listening to classic rock and killing all the things that go bump in the night (and all those urban legends you thought had no basis in truth). They are like Scully and Mulder with a touch of Buffy and the old school Kolchak. I did mention that they are super hotties right?

9:00 My Name is Earl – NBC – When Supernatural goes to commercial I tunr to Earl. I love this show all about karma. Plus I love Jason Lee, ever since Mallrats I have loved him. It’s nice to see him on real TV. Plus Earl and his brother are so oblivious it’s sort of refreshing to watch these 2 bound forward with reckless abandon to right Earl’s wrongs. It’s like watching kids.

10:00 Nip/Tuck – FX – Sean and Christian lead very fucked up lives for doctors. I like that. I really like that Christian is constantly either screwing his porn-star girlfriend or having a three-some with her and a female cop. The dirtiest sex on TV is on this show, plus they have a serial rapist/maimer called ‘The Cutter’ (ominous isn’t it?).

Wednesdays:

8:30 Freddie – ABC – I’m ashamed to say that I like this show. I would have never thought a show starring Sarah ‘I Can’t Act My Way Out of A Paper Bag, but You Watch Cos You Like the Way I Die on Screen’ Gellar’s hubby and that geek from 90210 who used to do Donna would be decent. It’s not just decent, it’s pretty fuckin’ funny. Or maybe I just haven’t seen enough of it to be annoyed just yet.

9:00 LOST – ABC – If you aren’t watching Lost, you apparently don’t own a TV, are missing half your brain, or got really confused when there was a polar bear on the island and stopped watching. If none of these are the case then you have no excuse. Watch this show. Tonight someone dies (ooo who’s it gonna be???) and there have been rumors its one of our lady survivors…

10:00 Invasion – ABC – This is the perfect complimentary series to Lost. Are they body snatchers? Aliens? Monsters created and unleashed by our own government in a mind control plot? Who knows (I still can’t figure it out), but I want to know, desperately. Plus the script and cinematography are great. Watch this show!

Thursday:

8:00 Smallville – WB – I don’t usually watch this, but after the Halloween episode, I might have to get back into it. James Marsters (Buffy’s Spike) as Braniac, some dude who isn’t one of Ari’s clients as Aquaman (hug it out bitch), and hottie Kristen Kreuk make this show interesting. I still have no clue what’s going on half the time, but I do know that the dude who plays Lex made bald really hot for high school guys…

9:00 Night Stalker – ABC – I know it’s not as good as the original. I know it’s REALLY dark, and needs to lighten up a bit, but come on, it’s Stuart Freakin’ Townsend. The man who will marry Charlize! Okay this week we are promised that they will return to the original arc of who or what killed Kolchalk’s wife and maimed his Gumby. I’m in.

10:00 ER – NBC – The new cast mates have breathed new life into this show, which had started to look DOA. I might watch this, or I might have something better to do, either way John Leguizamo and Kristin Johnson make for awesome new editions and almost make ER worth watching again.

Friday:

Sci-Fi Friday BITCHES! Starting at 7pm you watch Firefly, the Stargate, then Stargate Atlantis, then you turn to CBS to watch Numb3rs (cos David Krumholz is adorable and you never got over your crush on that guy from Northern Exposure), then you go back to Sci-Fi to watch the Battlestar Galactica rerun. Or you have a life and don’t watch Friday night TV.

Saturday: Shoot yourself if you are actually looking for something worthwhile on the TV. Go rent a movie. Better yet, go out and see a movie in the theaters before they give up on the medium all together.

Sunday:

8:00 Cold Case – CBS – Lily is cool and has cool hair and a cool job. Flashbacks are awesome. This show makes me want to be a real cop so I can someday be a detective and work cold cases (especially if I get to listen to cool flashback music while I do it).

10:00 Grey’s Anatomy – ABC – OMG I love this show more and more every week. Hot looking cast always up to shenanigans and saving people’s lives. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for a McDreamy & Meredith get back together after Satan leaves (please make satan leave! There can’t be that many fucked up babies in Seattle). Meredith’s life sucks, sorta like mine, only I’m not anorexically skinny, drop dead pretty or a surgery resident, but if I were, I’d be Meredith Grey.


Okay there are people who are now reading this blown away by the amount of TV I watch every week. Mind you I don’t sit there and just watch TV I do stuff while watching it, like eat snacks that aren’t good for my heart and talk on the phone about the shows that are on. Occasionally I threaten to throw my shoe at the TV after Lost, or make unintelligible noises at the TV. I also do other actual stuff, and I don’t religiously watch all of those shows.

Fuck it, why am I apologizing if you bitches would visit me more often the TV wouldn’t have to be my only friend like when I was a little kid and it was either the TV or the dog that hated me in the contest for friendship.