Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: TV Wha?

 Wednesday, February 01, 2006

TV Wha?

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First of all, I am a horrible landlord. Seriously this place is turning into a slum, I should change my named to slumlord (not lord of the dance). Please go visit Blogs Are for Wimps, they are right there at the left, waiting eagerly for you to click them. Bloga Are For Wimps is run by a plethora of interesting and funny bloggers. Anyone with the name FrodoCorleone kinda should be taken notice of (is he a hobbit, is he a mobster, is he a hobbit in a mob?). Anywhoo, go check them out, or my little angel up there will riddle you with holes, and she won't feel bad about it, no she won't.

I've been trying to think of things to write this blog about. But I have settled on a topic finally. Enjoy!

Topic: Shit I Just Don't Get, Or Shit That Makes No Sense, TV Edition


1. Shit about LOST:
1a: On Lost by now don't you think someone/all would be covered head to toe in mosquito bites? I mean that island must be crawling with hungry blood suckers.
1b:Also it's a tropical island, those little fuckers probably have malaria, why does no one have malaria? There can't be that much Gin left!
1c: Why does no one have ghiardia or diptheria or cholera or e.coli from drinking unfiltered island water? I am sure the polar bears and other shit on the island drinks from that water too, and I bet they shit by it. Someone should have stomach illness and/or die from it by now. If Ma on Oregon Trail could die from it, so can Claire (not that I want Claire dead, maybe Ana Lucia)
1d: How did Sawyer's shoulder heal that fast? Since the season started they have covered like maybe 5-7 days. No one's gun shot wound heals that fast!! Is Jack a miracle worker?
1e: All they eat is fruit and whatever sea shit Jin catches. Why does everyone not have a raging case of diarrhea? Seriously, eat nothing but fruit and leaves with a smattering of fish and maybe some pork thrown in and you will seriously need to make a pit-stop every 10 minutes.
1e1: Where are they going to the bathroom???? Did they dig a hole???? (then again I have this issue with every show cos they never show anyone actually going to the bathroom, on some shows you never even saw the bathroom in the house! exceptions: Buffy and Roseanne).

2. Murder She Wrote Issue: Why did no one ever notice that murder followed Angela Landsbury like a hungry puppy follows a child with cheerios? Seriously! Didn't she ever find it strange? I mean after a while I wouldn't leave the house if everytime I went somewhere people died (note it wasn't like random people died, they were usually tied to her some how, so the 'but people die every day every where excuse' doesn't work!). I mean Cabot Cove wasn't a hot bed of gang activity or anything right?

3. Firefly Issues (Yes I have a few):
3a:In the Firefly episode 'Out of Gas' all of the life-support systems are down because the engine doesn't turn. So why do they have gravity? Wouldn't there have to be some sort of gravity generator to maintain the gravity? Without the engine or the back-up generator they'd be floating around all Jubal Early like.
3b: Why doesn't the crew of Serenity look a lot dirtier? I mean, we've seen Inara take a sponge bath, but even so, I can't figure out where the showers and/or bathtubs might be. So from what I can tell the crew of Serenity must be awfully rank. Maybe in the future they can get their stink removed?? Maybe they have magic body cleaning fairies?

4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel:
4a: In Season 2 they figure out the Romany spell to put the soul back into Angelus and return him to his Angel self. The Orb of Thessula used to do so is apparently so common a magic item that the clerk remarks that she sells them as paper weights. Willow could successfully complete the spell. SO why did they never soul Spike or Drusilla or Dracula or any of the other vampire nemeses? I mean it was a generic spell and wouldn't it be easier to just soul them and ruin their unlives than fight them to the death?
4b: What the hell was wrong with the residents of Sunnydale? Had they never seen a horror movie or read Bram Stoker's Dracula? I mean HELLO! People are always dying of neck trauma, how long can a community really believe that they have a PCP taking gang problem??
4c: We watched 2 Magic Shop owners get whacked on Buffy. Then Giles thinks its a brilliant idea to buy and reopen the Magic Box. Why did the evil undead never specifically target him for death? I mean there was a precedent set that Magic Store owners have short life spans, why was Giles an exception??
4d. On Angel Lorne has his karaoke club protected by a demon non-violence spell, SO why did they never use this spell anywhere else?? I mean Buffy could have used that one in her house or at the high school or the Magic Box. Angel could have used it when he took over Wolfram and Hart or the hotel or many other places. Considering the Muses who were crushing on Angel were the ones who had to place the spell I think Angel could have gotten them to bless anything he wanted. So why didn't they??
4e: Why did they never share information or technology or any thing between Sunnydale and LA? I knwo the shows were on different networks for a while, but shit, this just seems stupid, like they can't pick up the phone??
4f: In Season 4 of Angel The Beast blocks out the sun and causes a hellfire rain. Why didn't the sun go out in Sunnydale? Why were there no torrential hellfire warnings over the god damned HELLMOUTH?? I'm thinking darkness and hellfire wouldn't be an exclusive LA thing, but then again I have heard it called Hell-A.

Got a TV Issue? I know you do cos I am sure I have about 50 more I just can't remember them. Post 'em in comments, I might ammend this if I come up with more!

Don't forget to check out Blogs are for Wimps!!

Votes Of Sympathy:4

Comments Blogger lysie6211 said...

I wonder the same things about "Lost". I also had some big ass issues about my former favorite show "Alias". The CIA would send out an agent that is like 6 months preggers on a mission. mmmmmkkk.

8:43 AM  
Comments Anonymous pie said...

I think FrodoCorleone would be a Mobbit.

1:13 PM  
Comments Anonymous FyreGoddess said...

RE: going to the bathroom

In the last episode (Charlie-centric), when Charlie went looking for Locke (when Locke asked him if he was using again), Locke came out of a shack-looking structure that looked suspiciously like an outhouse.

I mean, I can't imagine what else that was used for.

And, now, there are bathrooms and showers and such in the hatch, so that's something...

~FG };^>

3:53 PM  
Comments Anonymous Michael said...

Lost: They're in Purgatory.

Firefly: Neutronium floorplates.

7:38 PM  

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