Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: Windstar Apocalypsus

 Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Windstar Apocalypsus

Dear Enterprise Rental Car Company,

Please note, when dropping off a car at the Honda dealership for one of their clients, remember that the Honda driver is used to a quality vehicle, a vehicle manufactured in the USA, a vehicle that makes sense, not some excessively large Ford Windstar mini-van (which isn't so mini just for the record). Also the customer would probably prefer some sort of economy car, not the fucking behemoth minivan with a gigantic dent in the rear bumper, and with features that don't shut off in the car for an extended period of time, leading the Honda driver to believe that this will lead to the battery being drained and possibly the end of the world (it could happen). The Honda driver is used to an efficient car that doesn't stay on when there is NO KEY in the ignition. Seriously. They are also used to cars that can be braked in a heel to toe fashion, not in a way that involves the full extention of the drivers leg, if they wanted a work-out for transportation I am sure the Honda owner could have gotten her hands on a bicycle.

The Honda owner would also prefer to make her own decisions as to whether or not she would like to be locked inside of the vehicle while driving it. It seems very dangerous to lock someone in an unfamiliar car, especially considering the rate of horrific automobile accidents in the greater Wausau area. Do you want to be held responsible for the Honda driver dying in a firey death box all because you couldn't or wouldn't buy cars that don't effectively trap the passengers inside? I am sure that the Honda driver is smart enough to not attempt to exit a moving vehicle, afterall they are driving a Honda and thus must possess more intelligence than your average dog, who would jump out of the window and not attempt to use the door handles anyway.

Also don't assume people want a non-smoking vehicle. You may also want to mention to the renter that the vehicle is non-smoking BEFORE they light up only to see on the keyfob the teeny tiny no smoking sign. Just an idea. No pressure here.

Just remember that while you may 'pick up' your clients, when you are picking them up from an auto dealership of an obviously superior vehicle producer to your own fleet of shitty Fords and Chryslers and perhaps a GM or two, maybe you should take that into consideration and not stick them with the lamest vehicle in your fleet. Besides Honda you may want to keep this in mind when picking up people who are located at dealerships which sell the following vehicles: Lexus, Acura, Toyota, BMW, Mercedes, Jaguar, Volkswagen, hell I will even throw Mazda (even though their stock is over 50% controlled by Ford), Hyundai, Mitsubishi and Izuzu into the mix. While every other freak in this town may have replaced themselves and half their extended family with a bevvy of unruly hooligans, this Honda owner is an import, and thus was not subject to the poor sexual education the area obviously has and who had access to abortion services that were not 2+ hours away, and would really prefer to not drive around a gigantic hooligan cage. Because effectively the Ford Windstar is a vehicle made to lock you in the car with your devil children so they can torment you into feeding them benadryl just so you can have a semi-peaceful trip to the OB-GYN to prepare for hooligan #8, or to head to Walmart only to have most recent hooligan projectile vomit while waiting in line at the express check out.
Just a few thoughts,
A Concerned Honda Driver

Votes Of Sympathy:3

Comments Blogger Serra said...

Yow, sounds more like Rent-A-Wreck than Enterprise.

2:36 PM  
Comments Blogger IvoryValentine said...

And this is why I love you! Hooligan cage...hmm, makes sense. Sister-in-law drives a Windstar and just so happens to have hooligans. I do imagine this is more because the father-in-law held a gun to her head and forced her to buy a Ford...but then again, you know how it goes with them!

3:53 PM  
Comments Blogger Kinky Poe said...

LMAO - Rough day hon? It could have been worse...You could have gotten a pontiac.

1:25 AM  

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