Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: Happy UnHolyDay!

 Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Happy UnHolyDay!

Minions, Plebians, and other assorted folk,

It is here, the most unholy of unholy-days. Celebrate the Dark Lord!! It's the party of the century!! As a person who was one question away from being a Satanist as opposed to an Atheist on one of those lame ass tests, I think today is just swell. Be a hedon, drink to excess, hang out with loose women, turn off the air conditioner!!!

Because I am unable to attend Jocelyn's Day of the Beast Backyard BBQ, I will be attending The Omen. It is at the Crossroads-shit-house-Theater here in Wausau. Who needs surround sound? Not us at the Crossroads (ironic though that The Omen is playing at a Crossroads).

Don't forget to do something evil today! Here are some suggestions***:
-Buy the new Slayer album (which I think might be coming out today, second option: any album from some dark metal, goth industrial group, bands with names like: Fallen Angel, Blood Runs Black, The Murdered and anything in German )
-Buy a copy of Underworld Evolution (if only for the scott speedman/kate beckinsale trapped in a box sex scene, mmm good, where's my directors cut bitches?)
-Get your hands on the latest season of Charmed (although they really aren't evil without Shannon Doherty)
-Steal a baby jesus from someone's yard, stealing the Mary criche optional
-If in Milwaukee, go see Lockjaw at the Exclusive Company on Greenfield for free, Jose and his evil co-horts will fill your little heart with darkness and venom
-Go see the Omen at a theater with surround sound
-Wear a lot of black, if you don't usually
-Buy Mommy Dearest, then run around screaming 'No Wire Hangers!' (cos she was evil)
-Wander the streets saying 'hail the dark lord, he has risen!'
- Go to the mall, stand outside the Hot Topic asking people: "Have you accepted Satan as your personal lord and savior?"
-Make a handbasket to travel to hell in
-Buy the new Dazed and Confused release on DVD, go smoke one on the 50 yard line
-Cut your lawn to look like a pentagram, so if Satan travels by air he knows where you are
-Mock Christians, if you don't do so everyday like some of us
-If you haven't gone in yet, ask off from work, Jews get all those holidays, why can't a Satanist enjoy one unholy-day a century?
-Hang a cross upside down, or just knock over crosses
-Rent a bunch of movies with Satanic themes, and never return them, for your excuse say that after watching them you sent them to hell to be with daddy
-Hug a puppy
-Whenever you laugh, do it in a really menacing evil way, a very muahahaha
-Write a love letter to president Bush
-Most of all, just have a good time, cos we won't see another 6-6-6 in our lifetimes, unless we find a way to exchange our souls for eternal life, in which case see you next 6-6-6!!

In Congress with the Devil,
The Dark Devourer (which is honestly what my full name translates from Greek and Egyptian into)

***Of course I am not condoning breaking any laws, I'm only making suggestions, just like the dark one. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.

Just for Khrysten: Hieronymus Bosch's Hell, from his Tryptic: Heaven, The Last Judgement and Hell...

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Votes Of Sympathy:2

Comments Blogger Eric said...

Sad to say I only know of H. Bosch from the novels of Michael Connelly. I'm not much of a painting buff. Statuary is more my speed. Very interesting painting. Maybe I'm projecting but there's a lot of anal going on in hell. Between that and the weird fish and dog things make it a place to avoid indeed.

8:06 PM  
Comments Blogger 60 and counting said...

That looks like my neighbors house

9:37 AM  

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