Concept4Banner1024 The Plural of Apocalypse: Only White Girls Go Wild

 Monday, January 28, 2008

Only White Girls Go Wild

This weekend while enjoying the newest season of Torchwood (mmmm) on BBC America I was barraged with an inordinate amount of commercials for the Girls Gone Wild DVDs (why these were on BBC-A I do not know, and it makes me question what the Brits really think us US viewers are looking for in a commercial). Now for anyone who lives under a dark and cable lacking stone, Girls Gone Wild is a bunch of drunk, 95% naked "college" girls who just can't wait to show their goodies to everyone on earth.

While watching the commercial for the eleventy-billionth time I realized something. There are no black, Asian, Hispanic, Indian (native or eastern), multi-ethnic, of unknown ethnic origins, or alien girls going wild. It is only white girls, and 'cept for a rare few, are all blonde. What the hell? Do white girls have so little control over themselves whilst drunk that they just can't stop themselves from getting naked for no residuals and in a way that will make them bubble over with shame in 2 years when they try to get a real job and their Girls Gone Wild stint ruins it? Alternately when Dr. Barbie gets that prestigious internship at some hotsy-totsy hospital and a patient looks up and says, "I know you, you were in Girls Gone Wild, I love your goodies." What will she do?

From what I can tell here are the prerequisites for ending up on a GGW DVD:

#1 Fake Tan, there is no room for pasty girls
#2 Should already be wearing clothes that barely fit the definition of clothing
#3 Should be able to look innocent and modest, while taking off skirt or licking other girls nipple
#4 Should have stick straight hair, it should be at least shoulder length, and if possible, layered
#5 is a "Whoo Hoo" girl
#6 Could also be on one of those commercials featuring starving people some where on earth, cos they are all rail thin.

Please white girls, unless stripper or porn star is a future goal, don't do GGW! That guy who runs the company is a slime-ball who might as well have pedophile printed on his forehead and his hand permanently jacking himself off.

Last night while watching Dane Cook's Vicious Circle on Comedy Central I got to watch the commercial for Girls Gone Wild Barely 18! Which apparently was supposed to feature a bunch of white sluts who just turned 18 and who have just been waiting to get their goodies out for everyone to see. Honestly, I can't imagine girls of such ethics as to be filmed for GGW are really all that big on not showing their goodies to everyone with a candy bar or a soda pop until they are 18.

Final thought: how is it that a fuckstick like Britany Spears gets to continue to live while someone as awesome as Heath Ledger dies? Seriously, if there is someone upstairs, the individual is seriously sick in the head. I'll stick with my atheism.

Votes Of Sympathy:1

Comments Blogger Eric said...

That slimeball has been in trouble for encouraging underage girls to show their tits for a Moonpie. Which is just plain wrong.

5:55 AM  

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