If You Can't Say Something Nice...

If you can't say something nice, then please expect me to broadcast it to all of my readers. This is a rebuttle post to hate-mail like comments I got over the weekend. Now my faithful readers, I have to say 99% of the comments left on this blog fill me with joy, but there's always that 1% that makes me want to spit venom. Granted most of those come from people who post anonymously, or who have faux accounts, which pisses me off cos then I can't fight back.

Now, instead of just fighting back on their blogs, I'm gonna post my rebuttles on here, for all to see. Mostly cos I haven't little better to say, and I'm still trying to come up with something really juicy to post about.

MrGnash: 'The plural of apocalypse?' - you'd think someone that made a reference to that line by way of their blog title would have actually seen Buffy, and therefore also know that 'that bitch' can indeed 'act her way out of a paper bag.' Opionated, hateful and ignorant; what a winning combination. -Posted on 'When a Stranger Calls...'

My comment left on his blog (probably deleted by him before posting it with his shrine to Sarah Michelle Gellar): This may come as a surprise to you but I am a hard-core Buffy fan. I've even been to conventions and written fan fic and everything. My love of the Buffyverse and all things related to it has little to do with Sarah Michelle Gellar (SMG). I am looking forward to her career, hoping that somehow she can impress me (not that that should be any sort of goal for her or anything). My arguement is simple, SMG, constantly plays the same character (or just a slight off of it) over and over, which makes her 'talents' appear to be lacking, she may very well be the next Sally Field (jumping from TV teen star to Oscar caliber actress), but I haven't seen any signs of this as of yet. I have been well aware of SMG since she was on Swan's Crossing a teen-soap in the US. And my favorite movie of hers is Cruel Intentions. I am not ignorant or hateful, I was being funny, it's called humor you should look into it. Opinionated, I'll take. But before you go accusing me of anything you really should have the sense to take a step back and look through the rest of the blog. If you had you'd see I have a dark sense of humor and a deep love of all things Joss. Didn't Buffy teach you anything? Cos if I were judging based on your blog, I'd think you were an obsessed fan who needs to get out more and meet real life girls. Instead I think maybe you just like to look at her, maybe she helps you make it through the day, makes life a little more tolerable cos let's face it, life sucks. Flaming someone out on their own blog is really just not very nice. Remember, if you can't say anything nice then shut the fuck up.

Also I have references for both my Buffy the Vampire Slayer obsession (just ask Kinky Poe or Ivory Valentine, although I blame Kinky Poe for all of it), and that Sarah Michelle Gellar really could use some better roles.

To further back up my point that Sarah Michelle Gellar can’t act her way out of a paper bag I offer up the following roles:

The Grudge (Khrysten and I have declared this one of the worst movies ever made): Karen Davis, American nurse working in Japan, ends up in a cursed home with the curse ‘after her’ Karen has to find a way to stop the curse and survive! In other words: Look, it’s Buffy without special superhero powers!

Scooby Doo 1 & 2: Daphne, Yes DAPHNE from Scooby Doo, there’s an award winning role. That is if the award you are after is from NICKELODEON! Puhlease.

Harvard Man: Cindy Bandolini: Holy Cross Cheerleader who dated Harvard point guard gets her boyfriend mixed up in sports betting. Oh yeah, her dad is a mobster! I gotta admit I’ve never seen this movie cos I’ve only ever seen it in the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart, and while I will buy pretty much anything out of this bin, I just can’t bring myself to buy this.
Cruel Intentions: Kathryn Merteuil, Remember how evil and mischievous Glenn Close was in Dangerous Liaisons? Don’t expect it here. Gellar plays a modern version of Close’s character, and does a damn fine job of it. This is my favorite SMG role, but I gotta say the only reason she mastered this one, in it’s queen bee bitch best, was being Erika Kane’s daughter on All My Children. Favorite line: “You can put it anywhere”

Simply Irresistible: Amanda Shelton, Another $5.50 bin movie. Amanda is a chef driving her restaurant into the ground until a magical blue crab makes her the witchiest cook ever. Her food really is magic! Hmm a theme? Magic??

Scream 2: Cici Cooper, Hmm get a body bag, this one’s gonna be messy! Look she’s a horror movie ‘scared girl in dark alley’ wait, wasn’t one of Joss Whedon’s main purposes to Buffy to have the girl in peril in the dark alley, who suddenly turns around and kicks her pursuers ass? In other words: Cici is cannon fodder, like Buffy was without the super powers.

I Know What You Did Last Summer: Helen Shivers, Hmm pretty beauty queen, dumb as box of hammers, girl in peril, wait! It’s BUFFY WITHOUT SUPER POWERS!!!

Besides Cruel Intentions, I love SMG on Saturday Night Live. She’s got great comedic ability, and should probably try to develop it. Otherwise, I’m just not seeing a lot of development as an actor. I’m seeing a lot of brilliant financial moves (except Simply Irr. Which was a GIGANTIC box office flop), but not a lot of substance. She’s got like 8 projects wrapped through pre-production. In one of the roles she’s a porn star, which I gotta admit, I might have to go see in theaters. There might be hope for her after all.

For more info on why this blog is called Plural of Apocalypse read this post: Apocalypse Why

Finally, I do LIKE SMG, I just don't think there's an Oscar in her future. Then again had you asked me the same thing about Charlize Theron I probably would have laughed at you 5 years ago. Out of the Buffy posse, if you asked me, the most likely to end up with an Oscar, besides Anthony Stewart Head, is probably Eliza Dushku. Anyone who saw her in That Night, True Lies or This Boy's Life, knows that this girl has talent, she just needs to find better roles (Tru Calling was not a test of her acting abilities, it was a test of how far she could run without a bra in a tank top).

Rant over. Wanna meet someone nice? Go click on my renter. Their time here is almost done, and I'm already getting seperation anxiety!