It's a Miracle!

Here in the dark recesses of the Radisson Inn in North Milwaukee I am able to access shitty free computer access to add this wonderful (if not sorta lame) tid-bit to my Blog. This is stolen from Lysie, who TAGGED m (I promise to do it as soon as I get home), and after seeing that Europe was the only continent without BlackEyedGurl, I had to post this.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about BlackEyedGurl!

1. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets BlackEyedGurl.
2. BlackEyedGurl became extinct in England in 1486.
3. Without BlackEyedGurl, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand!
4. Europe is the only continent that lacks BlackEyedGurl.
5. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than BlackEyedGurl, and 400 times smaller.
6. BlackEyedGurl can't sweat.
7. White chocolate isn't technically chocolate, because it doesn't contain BlackEyedGurl.
8. Snow White's coffin was made of BlackEyedGurl.
9. The first BlackEyedGurl was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
10. BlackEyedGurl was named after BlackEyedGurl the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Oh, But I'm not done yet. I did my real name too cos I am hella bored here in the hotel and I am eagerly awaiting time for dinner.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Adrianna!

1. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Adrianna fighting underground.
2. The only Englishman to become Adrianna was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Adrianna from 1154 to 1159.
3. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at Adrianna.
4. Only twelve people have ever set foot on Adrianna.
5. Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with Adrianna!
6. Adrianna, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
7. During severe windstorms, Adrianna may sway several feet to either side!
8. Adrianna has four noses.
9. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Adrianna!
10. Birds do not sleep in Adrianna, though they may rest in her from time to time.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

This whole thing makes me feel like Chuck Norris. #4 is creepily true, in more ways than one ;)

Have you checked on my Renter lately?? You really should do that, Fyre Goddess RULES! Click on her pretty window (and not her link) so she can see just how many of you are out there!!! Let me stand next to her Fyre!

Also BIG THANKS go out to Pie for letting me rent her blog, even though this is probably the most boring week ever here at Plural of Apocalypse. Although I think there were a few even more boring weeks when I was all depressed and crying often and listening to too much Tori Amos (in December Archives, I can't find a way to create the link, sorry I suck, the post was called These Precious Things, but it's kinda lame now that I think about it). So If you are here, visiting from my Pie's site, check out my 100 things about me, or poar through the archives. I swear I have occasionally been more entertaining than I am this week!!

I will return to the great white north on Saturday and get back to what I do best, slacking over this blog and barely doing my actual job... Lates!

Post 69 Now With More Tatum!

Not to be confused with Psalm 69, or the 69th parallel or the sexual position. This is my 69th post. I thought I should commemerate it but spelling commemerate it wrong.

I wanted to write up a post before I flee the land where I have computer access to go to training in Milwaukee. No this is not obedience training (although it should be). This is some crap training I have to do for my job. Mostly it's an excuse for me to be in Milwaukee for a week, overschedule myself with people I rarely see and then come home with pneumonia from wearing myself thin. Yay fun!

I wanted to make this post a story about adventures with Duck Girl and the Bat of Accountability, but I think I might need to spend some quality time with Miss Maddie before attempting this. Instead I will talk about Tatum O'Neal.

First I am going to Pimp Fyre again so you make her credits worth it cos I feel guilty that I won't be posting my pants off next week. I am an irresponsible landlord who should be hit with the bat of accountability.

Secondly looky at my sidebar there are new places and faces there. Not only has Fyre made it to the side bar thanks to the infamous Movie Whore post, but I also found a new blog I am infatuated with called Infinitely Pie. Go check them out (but Fyre through the renter box). Pie cracked me up and I am begging for her to let me rent her blog as I type. Alien Loves Predator and 30 Second Theater with Bunnies also have been added. I have also put my blog on Blogs in Space, cos I figured if anyone will get me, it's probably the aliens. If you are an alien and reading this, don't come to earth, we'll only fuck you up and steal your culture and take your planet from you when we find a way to get there. So stay away, let us self destruct on our own. Thanks.

Now More Tatum: So I am hopelessly addicted to Dancing with the Stars even though they killed my Tatum O'Neal during the second week. I love Tatum and I will take no Tatum flack. When I was little I wanted to be Tatum after seeing Little Darlings. Ferris ruled!! She is way better than Master P who should be promptly removed and replaced with Tatum O'Neal. I want her to get her career back. People hire her! She's the bomb!!! I mean Robert Downey Jr. is a walking pharmacopia and people still hire him, Tatum's all cleaned up people should give her a shot! I think she needs a young tasty man-morsel to get her back in the good graces of Hollywood ala Demi Moore, so if you are a young actor go date Tatum! Her exhusband is John McEnroe but he won't beat on you, I promise! Tatum O'Neal you are the bomb! I adore you and your kickin' the drug habit ass! You are funny and even though you got all pouty and defensive after they ripped you to shreds on Dancing with the Stars (um who wouldn't?) I still love you. Tatum... (BTW: My love is not Lesbionic (is that a word), I love men, but I'd go totally gay for you Angelina Jolie or Shirley Manson).

Alas, I should go. I will try to blog on the run this week. Until then..

Tatum in Little Darlings! with Kristy McNicholl Who is also on the 'What the fuck happened to her' list.

New Tenant!!! & Boredom Busters

Duck Girl Says: Go visit our new tenant: Fyre Goddess or I will beat in your brains with the bat of accountability and feed your innards to my ducklings.

Duck Girl is kind of a fuck-tard. But her advise is good. We have a new Tenant! Yes, it's the woman who brought me the Movie Whore game that all of us had to go and do, and which all of us will now use to gauge just how many movies we've seen. Now go make her credits worth-while, clicky clicky! I promise she doesn't disappoint!

Also when you are bored on the internet as I so often am I recommend visiting:
Alien LOVES Predator
AND
30 Second Bunny Theater

BTW: Duck Girl is available for children's parties, you should see her with a Pinata!

Movie Whore!

This is completely stolen from Fyre Goddess's Blog but I thought it was brilliant, and that I might be able to beat her score. Let's see...

Number the ones you’ve seen. Apparently you have no life if you scored over 70.

(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(4) Fight Club
(5) Starsky and Hutch
(6) Neverending Story
(7) Blazing Saddles
(8) Airplane
(9) The Princess Bride
(10) Young Frankenstein
(11) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(12 ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(13) Anger Management
(14 ) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(15) Scream
(16) Scream 2
( 17) Scream 3
(18) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(19) American Pie
(20) American Pie 2
(21) American Wedding
(22) Harry Potter
(23) Harry Potter 2
(24) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
(25 ) Resident Evil I
(26 ) Resident Evil 2
(27 ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(28) The Village
(29) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
( )Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(30 )13 Ghosts
(31) Signs
(32) The Grinch
(33 ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Original Not the Remake
(34 ) White Chicks
(35) Butterfly Effect
(36 ) Thirteen Going on 30
(37) I, Robot
(38 ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(39 ) Along Came Polly
(40) Deep Impact
(41 ) KingPin
(42) Never Been Kissed
(43 ) Meet The Parents
(44) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(45 ) A Cinderella Story
(46) the Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(47) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(48 ) Final Destination
(49 ) Final Destination 2
(50) Halloween
(51) The Ring
( ) House of Wax
( )The Ring 2
(52) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(53)Practical magic
(54) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(55 ) From Hell
(56 ) Hellboy
(57 )Secret Window
( )I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
(58) The Day After Tomorrow
(59) Child’s Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
(60) Ten Things I Hate About You
(61 ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(62) Nightmare on Elm Street
(63) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(64) SeVen
(65 ) Oceans eleven
(66 ) Ocean’s Twelve
(67 ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(68) Independence Day
(69) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(70 ) Darkness Falls
(71) Christine
(72) ET
(73) Children of the Corn
(74 ) My Boss’ daughter
(75 ) Maid in manhattan
( ) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(76 ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(77 ) She’s All That
( ) Calendar girls
( ) Sideways
(78) Mars Attacks
(79 ) Event Horizon
(80) Ever After
(81) Forrest Gump
(82) Big Trouble in Little China
(83) X-Men
(84) X-2
(85 ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
(86) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(87) Cruel Intentions
(88 ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(89) Old School
( ) The Notebook
(90) K-Pax
(91) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(92)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(93)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
( ) Hitch
(94) The Fifth Element
(95) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(96) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(97) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(98) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(99) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi…
(100) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(101) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(102) Trainspotting
( 103) People Under the Stairs
( 104) Blue Velvet
(105) Sound of Music
(106) Parent Trap (original)
(107) Parent Trap (the one with lindsay lohan)
(108) The Burbs
(109) The Terminator
(110) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(111 ) Meet Joe Black
(112) Nightmare Before Christmas
(113) The Silence of the Lambs
(114) Sleepy Hollow
(115) I *heart* Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
(116 ) The Virgin Suicides
(117)Legally blonde 1
(118 ) Legally Blonde 2
(119) Pretty woman
(120 ) Mean girls
(121) Terminator 2
( ) Terminator 3
(122) Waynes world
(123) Waynes world 2
(124 ) Blade
( ) Spongebobsquarepants the movie

124... Well we always knew I didn't have a life...

Friday Returns!

I haven't done a weekly wrap-up in quite a while. Yes, this is completely because I suck. My week in review:

Fate's bitch of the week: Kinky Poe who was fired in record time from her new job. 12.5 hours was all it took, can you beat that? I didn't think so. Girl, this might in fact be a sign from the gods to strike out on your own (I only encourage this if myself and my parents can continue to recieve nearly free computer help and repair, I mean we feed you and stuff, so that should count for something!).

Friend who constantly wows me: Ivory Valentine better known on here as Khrysten, for her amazing home redecorating skills. Seriously take her to a Goodwill, Jo-Anne Fabrics, Michael's, Wal-mart and Kmart and she can redo a room for under $100!! Never stops amazing me. Go look at her Blog and see what I mean!
Person who finally has given me a chance: Eric who was the only person to ever accept my Blog Rental Bid. I was starting to think people hated me and this blog, but now I realize it's hard to get people who don't know your blog to let you rent it. Thanks Eric! And many welcomes to your readers!!

First Tenant: The blog rental bid thing is why, now, if you look to the left on the side-bar I am renting out my blog. I have a policy that it's first come first serve on the Tenant list. This means I am not just renting out to my pals, I'll rent to almost anyone (exception made to people who's blogs are nothing but sales pitches and shit like that, I want interesting tenants!). This week we have Scooter McGavin, who watches as much TV as I do, only he has UPN so he can watch Veronica Mars which makes me a very jealous girl. Go check him out, he's funny and doesn't just talk about TV. I swear. Click on him everyday so I look more appealing to other people who might want to take up space in the future!!
I somehow ended up with a MySpace account. It's a very sad account as I have no friends, well except Lysie and Michael. Because I am the height of creative my space over there is called Plural of Apocalypse (actually I just do this to be consistent so if people find something they know its probably me.) If you are looking to improve your sad assed friend list add me, and I'll add you and then we won't look so pathetic together.

Unfinished Projects Finished (keeping resolutions 101):
Finished reading Kevin Smith's Silent Bob Speaks. If you love Smith or have an unnerving crush on the Affleck I recommend picking this up. It's the humor you expect and some excellent hollywood gossip.
Christmas was packed into Christmas themed rubbermaids, or at least well marked and then transferred to the garage. I am so proud of this.
Napped: only 3 days this week, but as I am still sick I think this is acceptible. I even Dance Dance Revolutionized after work before Lost on Wednesday. Which is like workingout for the incredibly lazy. According to their calorie counter thing I burned off one can of Pepsi. Yay!
Money Issues: Socked away that $15 from my first paycheck of the new year into the old savings account. I also listed a shit load of My Little Ponies for sale over at the My Little Pony trading Post, although no one seems remotely interested so I think they are going to end up on eBay along with the handmade my little pony charm necklaces. Hopefully people will buy them, cos I need money dammit!! (BTW if you are a collector and interested comment on this post with your email addy and I'll let you know what's available. Yes I am this big of a whore!!) All of this week's icons were stolen from LiveJournal users cos I am evil. They are all Wonderfalls themed, cos I wonder why the wonder falls on me, constantly, like it's leaking wonder or something. Plus some kid once said I looked like Jaye (who's real name is Caroline Dhav...(something Greek)). Here's to hoping I find something excellent and interesting to say or something cool happens to me or the universe.

BTW: I cannot express the joy I experienced this week when I heard Angelina Jolie was knocked up. Don't ask me why, it was the happiest I've been for a celebrity since the Affleck-Garner conception. I don't even like Brad Pitt, so I don't exactly get it. Go ahead mock me.

Open Letter Day...

Today I am posting two open letters. Why? because people are driving me insane. Seriously insane. I am a general misanthrope so this really comes as no surprise, but still...

Dear Women-Folk of Wausau:

I know that we live in the middle of nowhere. I know that it's cold out and you don't really feel like looking your Wal-mart fashion forward best. PLEASE for Christ's sake put on a pair of jeans. Pajama Bottoms, I repeat PAJAMA BOTTOMS are not appropriate 'leave the house wear,' especially if they are the following:

#1 Looney Tunes Themed
#2 Disney Themed
#3 Retro 80's Toy Themed
#4 Brightly colored and/or patterned
#5 Feature any cartoonish creature (ie: Winnie the Pooh,
#6 Made of fleece
#7 Made of flannel
#8 Worn with Sorel, Ugg or other boots
#9 Worn with your gigantic winter Parka
#10 PAJAMA BOTTOMS

I only bring this up because everytime I leave the house I run into you. You know who you are. I see you at the Shopko in baby pink Pepe Lepew fleece pants, and at the Urgent Care (a mother daughter team) wearing Tweety Bird and Care Bears fleece pants. I saw you at the grocery store, at 6 o clock at night in Mickey Mouse flannel pants. I watched you fill up your gas tank in rainbow hearts, with your shit-brown Sorrel boots tucked in while wearing your bright orange Columbia jacket. I see you everywhere!!

People already believe that the northwoods is backward, so when the people of the 'big city' up here think that bed-wear is appropriate to wear outside of the house you are only setting a bad example for others! I completely blame you for the little girls running around with 'Juicy' or 'Naughty' or 'Princess' written on their ass.

The only time it is appropriate to wear said pajama pants are in the following situations:

#1 Had to run out of house with blood covered child who might die if not gotten to emergecy room quickly enough (this goes for any injured family member or pet)
#2 You are at the laundromat cos all your other pants are dirty
#3: You are under the age of 10

That's it ladies, no more excuses. Put on a fucking pair of jeans already!


Dear People with Dogs in Wausau:

Your fair city has a leash law, I recommend obeying it. I am sick of watching you assholes walk down the street with your unleashed dog, mostly cos I am convinced the little fucker is going to jump in front of my car making me feel like shit for killing your dog. If you are walking with the dog then tie it to a string or some shit. Leashes aren't that expensive, check the clearance section of any store and you will find them!

A special note to the asshole with the gigantic house who owns the Golden Retriever with the shock collar behind my apartment building. Remember the day you were blowing leaves out of the gutters on your 3rd floor with the leaf blower (I shit you not, he was doing this)? The day I threatened that the next time your dog came up to my patio door and barked at my cats that I would drive the dog to the humane society? This offer still stands. Put the thing on a leash, or get a fence or just pay attention to it! And stop cleaning your 3rd floor gutters with the leaf blower cos I am not calling 911 when you fall dumbass!

In sum: Put your dog on a fucking leash, if you don't and I find it wandering the neighborhood or jumping in front of cars I will personally deposit them at the local humane society and turn you in for having a roaming unleashed dog. If you want to let your dog roam move to a farm!

That's all for now, more bitching ahead I'm sure...

Go check out Deux, there's a new Dammit Dick that involves President Bush and Strippers!!!

Stay Classy Blogsphere...

I've been majorly ill (no, not illin'). So I haven't blogged. Shoot me. No, please, shoot me for real. Anywhoo here's the news cos it was all too good to pass up today! (and it's my cop out for not having anything genuinely interesting or funny to say)

It's Barry Gibb! Now appearing at Chateau Cash?

Um, It's Not a Confession if Everyone Already Knew (Heads up Nichole Richie, You're Next)

What Happens in Vietnam, Does Not Stay in Vietnam

Douglas Adams Was Right, Mice Are Smarter Than We Think

Please Deposit Your Balls and Spine Into this Jar, Welcome to Pussy-Whipped

Belafonte Just Got Added to the Strip Search List

He's Already Going to Hell, Why Add Insult to Injury?

Cheney Lives! (unfortunately)


Too Bad She Didn't Get Run-Over

Europe Abandons God, in Future Will Thank Absinthe for Award Winning Performances

Who Doesn't Love Jenna Jameson? Americans Love Porn!!

Don't Feed Your Dog Until You've Read This!!!! <~No, Seriously, this one is actually important.

Strange Fruit

Ahh, Sophomoric Pranks on Election Day, Good Times

But Where Will Francis Bean Live? Oh Yeah, Bording School

Now Will She Turn up on Inked?? Please???

Utah So Homophobic, Deemed Totally Gay by Homosexuals


Well until I have something more interesting to say... Stay Classy Readers!

Resolutions?

It's 3 days past New Years and I think I should come up with some resolutions. Mostly cos it seems like all the hip kids are doing it.

#1 Limit visits to the old homestead to once per month (time permitting) instead of wasting every last cent I have just to seek comfort and sanity and abandoning my little furkids for days on end. (Original resolution was: Do not go home unless someone comes to visit, but then I'd be trapped up here forever cos the only person who consistently visits is Gene and that's just cos its convienent from his mom's abode)

#2 Read one book a month. I went through a phase in the last few months where I couldn't stop reading, but before that I had sort of dabbled, I love to read so I should do this. Currently I am reading Silent Bob Speaks by Kevin Smith, he is one funny fucker.

#3 Remember to actually keep in touch with: Michael, Nick, Andrea and Madeline. Attempt to actually visit them by saving money not heading southward (cept Andrea who is southward).

#4 Attempt to actually organize my life. First project: Get all Christmas shit into Christmas themed or marked containers. Second project: go through clothes, rearrange bed room, move one dresser into room (if not both). Third project: get spare bed into spare bedroom by going through shit in said room and cleaning it the hell out.

#5 At least once this year ride a horse. I miss it too much and am turning into quite the fat ass. Plus ponies is nice.

#6 Convince parents to come down for at least one fully cooked meal made by me. I have all these cookbooks and shit I want to cook and no one to cook for. They live an hour away and thus are my nearest victims.

#7 Stop taking shit from people and use my spine. Khrysten watered it for a reason, I should reclaim it from it's post halloween melt down.

#8 Finish my damn Firefly fan-fic, even if it means getting help from others. Write more often, update Plural of Apocalypse Deux more often. Possibly also this could include finishing craft projects I have just sitting around.

#9 Get off my ass and stop napping every damn day after work. Maybe only nap 3 days a week after work. hell if I can get this down to 4 days a week I'll be proud.

#10 Try to save at least $15 from every pay check. I know it doesn't sound like much but when you get denied food at the Aldi you know you are broke. This also means I will be looking for ways to save money on my bills, I need to cheapen my phone bill somehow and find new exciting ways to save money. Also I need to start selling on eBay again, I need the spare cash and if I am around on weekends this will be much easier.

#11 Get art and/or posters framed prettily so it doesn't look like the only things I have to hang on the wall are photos of me on a horse. Cos that's just kinda wierd.

For a full recounting of my new Years see Khrysten's Unfinished Thoughts (its on the sidebar I am being link lazy today) complete with Photos! Also The Deux has been updated again, go read my exciting evening involving rabid puppies eating ponies after being given brith to by Midge. Also I am so proud that 3 of my 4 Tags have taken the time to do their deed! You like me, you really like me! Riss, apparently, not so much (J/K she has kids and a far more interesting life than mine so I do not blame her).