Waiting...

So I'm sitting here waiting. I'm waiting for the water to heat up so I can have a shower. I washed dishes and thus used half my water heater's water (it sucks its small and useless). So I wait.

I wait a lot.

Think about how much time you spend waiting for things: toast, microwave, in line, for a call, for an email. In this day and age of have it now, we still spend a lot of time waiting. This is good though, it gives us time to think. Think about where we would rather be, what we'd rather be doing, than sitting here right now waiting.

I wait some more.

I think about things. Like the fact that I haven't had anything interesting or funny or cute to say in days. I wonder if it's all dried up. I think about lighting another cigarette even though I just stopped smoking one like minutes ago. I wonder if that hour nap I took before Lost will effect my ability to sleep even though I have consumed no caffeine since I left work.

I wait still.

I wonder if I'll ever finish that story I started. I think about how much longer I can hold out up here, in the north, with no one. I think about how happy I was this summer and wonder if that'll come again. I realize this blog post is uncharacteristic of me, and I say so be it.

Still waiting.

I think about Christmas and try to figure out how I'm gonna afford this. I considered taking out a bank loan to buy gifts, but that just seems wrong. I wonder if my raise will kick in for my next check. I wonder if it'll actually impact my income. I think about more things to sell on eBay or somewhere to make the extra money. I realize I think too much about money, and hate that.

Fuckin' stupid water heater. Takes decades to heat the water and then produces barely enough for one shower. I wonder how more than one person can live in these apartments and both take showers in the morning. I'm thinking they can't, unless they share.

I realize I'm rambling, and go find another way to waste the time.

Post-Holiday Madness

Ahh... the holidays. Sorry I have been MIA and missed my weekly wrap-up and a Spanksgiving post and all that rot. I was up north visiting my parents (yes it is possible to get further up north than here before Canada), and they only have dial up, and it's really hard to check my blog let alone post with that. So here I am, many days and about $27.75 short.

This will be a completely random post. I appologize for my posting ADDHD:

Things I am thankful for:
The Tripod, cos without Amanda and Khrysten I would be lost. We're a fuckin' tripod, let no man tear us asunder (or rip one of our legs out).
My Fur-kids. I may have declared Jihad on one of them, but I love my kitties. They have kept me from driving my car into the quarry on more than one occasion.
The Hidey Place of Nice Boys and Girls thread on Fireflyfans.net. Let your freak flag fly!
My family, cos they make me feel like I am awesome and super and not a loser.
Hurricane Season: Yes I know it's a terrible tragedy, but I like watching mother nature take back what's hers. Plus it gives me something to watch besides reruns on Sci-fi.

Things I am not thankful for:
War, cos I think that those who have served our country and have done their time should get to leave. Stop this extension shit.
The attack on abortion rights that is starting and likely to continue. If they succeed I will assist in driving women to Canada to exercise their right to choose there.
The drivers of Wausau, cos they are all on crack or are just plain crazy.

This weekend (Thursday through Sunday) my mother actually tried to add all 10 lbs of holiday weight gain onto me. Seriously. Take a look:
Thursday: Appetizers including veggie dips, cheese ball, pumpkin dip (thanx K, it was a huge hit!), French onion soup, turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, rolls, corn, cranberry sauce, stuffing, gravy, yams, pumpkin pie, cheesecake, & berry pie
Friday: breakfast: scrambled eggs, sausage and toast; lunch: turkey sandwiches with chips and pickles, dinner: venison goulash and left over sides from thanksgiving
Saturday: breakfast: toast, lunch: chili and corned beef sandwishes with pickle and chips, dinner: pizza
Sunday: breakfast: scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast, lunch: lebeknadel suppe (liver dumpling soup, one of my most favoritest things), dinner: linguine with clam sauce and rolls

See? She's trying to kill me with food!!!

I did go out shopping both on Black Friday and Saturday. I think I spent maybe $100 total, which is good. I only spent $20 on myself, cos I needed a nicer X-mas tree and so I got this cool pre-lit one for $22.50 at Menards. While decorating it I realized that all of my ornaments are too nice to keep around my cats (who thus far are showing no interest in my tree), so I have to go find or buy some crappier ones. Here it is all prettified (I need to get a tree topper still cos I can't find mine, I think it got lost with some of my moms stuff):

So I finally started the great Christmas shopping. My mother is almost done. My aunt and uncle will be easy, but the other 2 legs of the tri-pod, my dad and my mom's friend Mary (she's like a member of the family) will be tougher. I am confident now that I have started nothing will keep me down!

Other than the tree this is the height of my holiday decorating:

Yes I have a fireplace in my apartment, I only use it when guests come over, although I have a feeling I'll use it a lot more this winter for supplemental heat. I like to burn Super Happy Fun Logs, which I name after famous quadrapulegics or parapulegics (can't spell either for my life). I will explain this in another post some other day.

Otherwise, the Holiday Karmic Bitch Award goes to: Khrysten. Check out her blog to see all 10,000 reasons why.

I promise to post more now that I have returned to cable internet! Tchuss!

Fan-atic

So, I've been reading the Harry Potter books, and you know what I realized? I am not a Harry Potter person. I should offer this caveat. I am a prone to obsession over fiction.

Case and Point: I am a Buffy and Angel junkie, but my heroin is Firefly. I push these fandoms on everyone I know, I seek people out to convert and when I do I have temporary satisfaction. Of course this is the kind of Sci-fi fanatacism that cannot alone be fueld by reruns on TV. No I own 7 season of Buffy, 5 Seasons of Angel and the only season of Firefly on DVD. Each disc has probably been watched a minimum of 5 times. Cos I get all hooked. I can't stop myself. Then came the trading card collections, and then statues, action figures, comic books, novels, philosophy books, anything related to the 'verse. I've even been to a Buffy convention, yeah, I am this big of a geek. I can't help it. I love these characters. Hell, I've written fan fiction for all of these series, some of it just pure smut (cos you never get the good stuff on TV so you have to make it up). I drove 6 hours to see Serenity at an advanced screening in Chicago in June, then I proceeded to see the movie at midnight opening night, then I took my dad, then I went again with a fan and I would have gone again but our theaters dump movies at lightning speed. I've already ordered my copy of the DVD, I have plans to buy copies as Christmas gifts for anyone who I know won't buy it on their own. I need help.

Back to the Potter, I think I'm all fanned out. I don't think I have room in my rapid little heart for any more fandoms. I mean there are Star Wars people, Trekkies, Trekkers, Lord of the Rings fans (Ringers), now there are the Lost obsessed (which I am half heartedly, I just can't keep up with all of it), and then there are Whedonites and Harry Potter fans. Hell the Whedonites are even broken up into Firefly/Serenity only fans, Buffy only fans, Angel only fans, and then any mix of the 3, and all 3. It's insanity. I'm full up on fandom. I've reached my limit.

The books are a nice, easy, enjoyable read, but I wouldn't madly hit refresh on my computer like a mad-woman to get advanced screening tickets for the movie. While I am trying to design and finish a Inara/Nandi costume, I would never find a need to make a cloak or cape or whatever and eat Bertie Bott's Beans. I think people can get full-up on fandoms, or get burnt out (the lead up to Serenity's release was chaotic). I think I'm full-up.

Granted I will never ever think people with fan-obsessions are strange or wierd or whatever, cos I know what it's like to be one of them. It's great. Some people think you do it cos you are a lonely sad pathetic person who'd never been out of mom's basement and who's never known the touch of the opposite sex. On the contrary, most of them are the most interesting, creative, exciting people I've met. Never discount your average geek. They enjoy these fictional realms cos everyone needs a little fiction in their life, without it we go mad cos the real world is really depressing. Escaping for a little while is fun.

And just remember The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth.

Boredom Rears it's Ugly Head...

Boredom has reared it's ugly head, and I have sent part of my Chibi army off to attack Khrysten's Blog. Her's is way more interesting than mine as of late so go visit her. I am waiting for her chibi's to strike back (ala the Jedi) I have big plans for a movie post, maybe even tonight, so stay tuned!

Ivory's Unfinished Thoughts

Week in Review

First off, I have created a Chibi Army. Oh yes I have. Courtesy of the Gaia Dream Creator, I present to you my current Army:

The Dark, Evil One (she's just scary):


Geisha Dream (Her fan is also a weapon):


Foxy Mamma (it's her job to make sure all my enemies get served, so she carries a boom-box with her at all times in preparation for the innevitable dance off):


Alien Mistress (She has laser beams in her antennae, I swear!):


Goody Two Shoes (the arch nemesis of The Dark, Evil One, who is only working with her to defeat whomever I sic them on):


This Army has mysterious plans to invade a Blog near you, so beware! (or not, they are just little anime grrrls)

Harrowing Wausau experience of the week: FROG LEGS. Today while at the grocery store I was at the meat/fish counter when I noticed they were running an in-store special on FROG LEGS. I live in northern Wisconsin, how anyone could need to buy frog legs is fucking beyond me. They were situated between scallops the size of my tiny tiny fists and fresh Walleye fillets. The frog legs come pre-bagged in little sandwich bags with (get this) green twist ties (just cruel). What was even scarier was they were apparently a hot seller with the case only being half full. It only made me wonder if people are embarrased to ask for a pack of condoms how embarassing must it be to ask for 5 lbs of Frog Legs? I mean what could you need all those frog legs for? They lookl ike anorexic chicken legs, it's really disturbing shit. Then I wondered if the frog leg industry had been hurt by the hurricanes, so while they were currently on sale for $5.99/lb that maybe in years past they were cheaper, and since the hurricanes the price had to be jacked up cos frog farmers all over the south lost their crops. Then I wondered if there were frog farms, and that's when I realized I should just get my damn meatloaf mix and go cos this was just too upsetting. FROG LEGS!!

Things I learned this week:
#1 Shut up. I mean it, just shut up cos if I am allowed to open my mouth at work I will either offend someone or get my unit in trouble, either sucking big time.
#2 The Urgent Care Center at the Wausau Center is only worth your time if you get Sara, the rest of the staff might as well be chimpanzees.
#3 The chick who works at the Pharmacy at Wausau Center is a HUGE Firefly/Serenity fan, making me realize, we are every where, beware, one day we will take over. Browncoats Unite!
#4 I am cosmically screwed, Serve or Suffer Biatch

Today I had trouble getting motivated to write up this blog, which is strange cos I usually look forward to my week in review. Then I realized nothing at all happened this week, and felt stupid. I was mostly medicated or asleep which makes for little blog silliness.

Karma's Bitch of the Week: Khrysten takes it again as her car has once again died, and the pneumonia is probably making a come-back after she had to wait 2 hours ofr the tow truck for said dead vehicle. Note to the public: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy an Izuzu ViaCross they are just a nightmare.

Album of the week: Robbie Williams, Escapology & Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American

Moments that made me feel shiny:
Sorry, I've got nothin'

Unfinished Projects, Finally Finished: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is finite. The Serenity Novelization is also complete (I highly recommend it to anyone who was a fan of Firefly or the movie, it's excellent although some of it is out of cannon or flat out wrong. Dude, his name is Meria Book not Derrial)

Movie of the Week: Closer After seeing this if Natalie Portman ever wants to go gay, I am so there. Just see it, this movie is a mond-fuck and she is delicious in it. Also this movie made me love Clive Owen and realize that Juse Law (besdies having a tiny tiny cock) has little to no talent outside of being pretty and problematic. Oh yeah Julia Roberts is in it too. 5 BlackEyes out of 5.

Honorable mention goes to Bridget Jones, The Edge of Reason cos I love the word fuck-tard after this, and have realized I am Bridgit Jones except skinnier, not British and not fictional. Fuck-tard!!! 4 BlackEyes out of 5

Movie WASTE of the week: Ocean's Twelve: Why did they bother??? No BlacEyes, but a punch in the kisser

TV of the week: This week's honor goes to.... The Comedians of Comedy The show on Comedy Central makes me want to wet myself. The actual documentary on Showtime nearly did. Patton Oswald and Zack Galifikankis (or how ever you spell it) are my comedic wet dreams. I would so do them (and afterwards me and Patton could read comic books in bed and have deep discussions about Kitty Pryde and Joss Whedon's realization and utilization of her as a character in The Astonishing X-Men, oh yeah I am this geeky, Zack could just pass out for all I care).

A Big Happy Birthday goes out to:
Nick on Nov 12th
Gene on Nov 18th

I know only one of you reads this thing, so happy birthday, the other is too busy trying to change the consitution or some shit.

Lessons Learned: Do not blog under the influence of Nyquil, cos it only makes you less funny.

New Blog to Love: Bonanza Jellybean, Zube-Girl and Painting Chef have formed a problem solving collective known as We Three Bitches. Go get their help now, immediately you know you are fucked up! We 3 Bitches

Until I have something good to say again (check out all my favorite blogs)... Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow...

A 4 Letter Word, Starting With S

S-N-O-W
S-H-I-T
S-U-C-K

I think that about sums it up. It is the first snow, and it sucks. We are under a Winter Weather Advisory, which is code for, 'put away your summer clothes, cos it's all over now bitches.' Okay, they don't mean bitches, that was artistic license. We are supposed to get 2-5 inches of that fluffy white goodness (no Amanda, not that fluffy white stuff). I really wouldn't care except I need new front tires (at bare minimum I need my tires rotated) and new brakes, which will make not dying in a firey snow related car wreck all that more easy. I do like watching it snow, and I think it's pretty I just hate living in it.

S-I-C-K

That's another 4 letter word that describes me right now. I have Strep (which is 5 letters, cos I can count) and possibly a Sinus (again 5) infection. I stayed home from work today, which is something I NEVER do. But I figured it was my one year employment anniversary and if there was ever a day to be sick, it was today. I would say that it was cos I don't want to get my coworkers sick, but I actually don't care if I make others sick. The dude at Urgent Care thinks I'm a crazy hypochondriac because I demanded a strep test and explained my anti-biotic resistance to him. He just looked at me like 'yeah whatever you are crazy' which is why I HATE male physicians. They all act like women are just complainers about their health (and a lot of female docs are like this too). I'm waiting for them to call me hysterical and recommend a good vibrating chair for my cure.

Finally, it's official. I am cosmically screwed. Serve or Suffer is my new mantra thanks to Elsa over at Elsa Elsa. I am 'Aries in a Vice,' and sadly I believe her to be somewhat correct. I don't believe in god but I trust the stars (I'm crazy like that). According to her, I'm a soldier (stop singing the Donny Osmond "Soldier of Love" song, cos she didn't mean it like that), and I need to transcend the gunfire (which I think is oddly true). I am good at helping others, but suck at helping myself, so maybe this is what I am supposed to do. Now I know I should have gotten that degree in psychology (I am a therapist to everyone I know as it is)! But she does think I need to keep writing, so maybe I'll get around to that great American Novel one of these days (although it'll probably be the great american science fiction or horror or fantasy novel), and I have been published (although it was poetry.com who will publish anyone who writes anything Poem) , so maybe she's onto something there.

I promise to stop being overly parenthetical in the future (probably).

Also a plane crashed in the neighborhood I spent most of my summer in: Plane Crash in Riverwest This even made the Fox news and CNN!!

Until later my sweets... (sorry NYQUIL kicking in)

Declaration of Personal Jihads

I have decided to declare Jihad on the following:

#1 My cat, Mister
#2 The Fox Network
#3 The Black Plague

Why? See Khrysten's latest post: Stray Weekend Thoughts for some sort of explanation.

Jihad #1: Mister

See the cute little orange kittie in the picture? That is Mister, the cat I have declared holy war on. Why? Because he's a little asshole. He's a demanding little needy fuck. And he makes noise all night so I never get a decent nights rest. I love him to death, but sometimes, I'd like to lock him in a tiny room and make him deal with himself to see that he is a pain in the ass. He also has an obsession with cowboys outfits, burros and Chris Klein, but that's another post.

#2 The Fox Network:

Fux Network I declare jihad on you for once again ruining my TV schedule. Fux constantly cancels the shows I love. I don't know why I keep coming back for the pain, I don't know why I still trust that you won't cancel everything you air that doesn't suck. At least this time you didn't send Arrested Development and Kitchen Confidential to the Friday night death slot, you killed them where they lay. So fuck you Fux. RIP Arrested Development & Kitchen Confidential, I now add you to the list of shit Fux has killed that I loved:

The Inside, Wonderfalls, Dark Angel, Firefly, Tru Calling, Point Pleasant, and all the other shows I now cherish on DVD that you fucked up. Thanks for the memories.

#3 The Black Plague (aka The Plague or the Black Death) :

Dear Plague, After watching a really cool show all about you, I have decided that I am disappointed in you. You want to know why? Because you haven't mutated and wiped out half of the earth recently. I know there are still outbreaks world wide, but it lacks the original 'punch' you had going for you when you were all shiny and new. Mutate bitch! Either that or encourage your friends Ebola and Avian Flu to hurry the hell up. Population control is a responsibility not to be taken so lightly my deadly little friend. Just don't get me sick.
Thanks, your friend, BlackEyedGurl.

That's it, all my Jihads unveiled. My Jihads will be conducted from my couch, so don't worry I won't be blowing anything up. Instead I will ignore my cat, not watch anything on Fux, and keep close tabs on pandemics and epidemics keeping my fingers crossed that my beratement of microbes will inspire them.

Weekly Wrap Up...

VERSUS

A Battle I would like to see: Samurai Kittens VERSUS Jedi Squirrels. I hope the kittens would win, but with their Jedi mind tricks I have a feeling the squirrels would win. They can move nuts with their minds for fuck's sake!!

Asshole of the week: Pat Robertson (who could technically be asshole of every week)Robertson Warns: God Will Smite Dover PA for Dumping Intelligent Design Supporters That's all it takes to get a good smiting these days?? Damn. I'm fucked.

Bitch-Slap of the week: Kansas! You need to remember, if you outlaw evolution only outlaws will evolve. As an anthropologist and scientist I am completely insulted by your backward county-folk ways. Then again you are probably among those who believe if we just don't talk about sex kids won't have it. Your "christian" tinged view of things is going to lead you all down a very dangerous path. You are going to breed a whole generation of pregnant, ignorant people. Who will go to college and be stunned to learn that in science a THEORY is actually a fact, it's just called a theory because in all things scientific if something comes along to disprove the theory then it is changed. Will you argue that there is no gravity, because it is only a theory? Please. Remember, the difference between religion and science is that science can be proven wrong, religion, sadly, never can.

Things I Learned this Week:
#1 Yelling things like "You're all gonna die fuckers" "That's the last tea you'll ever enjoy" and "Hello, I'm Billy Zane, I'm an ASSHOLE" at the TV while watching Titanic is strangely cathartic, especially if done while talking to Khrysten.
#2 Taking a moment to think about John Leguizamo and Goran Vijnik (on ER) having sex, or alternately the whole ER crew engaging in a gigantic orgy can be hi-larious, especially if done while talking to Khrysten.
#3 The Chicken Little toys from McDonalds are AWESOME, as are the McNuggets (which seems wrong now that I think about it to eat CHICKEN while playing with toys from a chicken related movie).

Personal Anthem(s) of the Week: The Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?" & Nikka Costa's "Everybody's Got Their Something"

Karma's Bitch of the Week: No one in particular this week got exceptionally fucked. This means next week lots of people will be fucked. Sorry guys.

Moments that Made Me Feel Shiny:
#1 Khrysten announcing that I am in fact, her Sunshine.
#2 Reconnecting with a OLD friend in Justin, who is reminding me of all the reasons why I've always liked him, ever since the Gary Indiana incident of the 8th grade (oh yeah Zoe, you know what I'm talking about). It's good to have you back Zoe.

Unfinished Projects, Finally Finished: Red knit scarf for my Aunt Annemarie, which I have been working on for about a year. Next projects up: Finish reading damn first Harry Potter book and needlepoint pin cushion.

Movie of the Week: Chopping Mall (1986), stars no one significant, but it does feature murderous Shopping mall security robots which are after teens who locked themselves in the mall for an all-night party (full of sex and booze, oh yeah that's gonna end well). The robots kill with lasers, electrocution, and many many other devious tools. When they are done, they announce "Thank You, Have a Nice Day." This movie sucks, but is hilarious cos it sucks so much. It reeks of late 80's horror movie, all the teens look like they are 30 and in the first 10 minutes you already know who the survivors are going to be. Body count: 2 Security officers, 1 janitor, 6 "teens" and 2 robots (I think). I give it 2 blackeyes out of 5, it's worth watching if you feel like playing Mystery Science Theater 3000 at home with your pets or friends.

Best TV I saw all week: LOST! I can't talk about it cos I'm not gonna spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it, but this was the best thing on TV all freaking week! Mmm Naveen Andrews...

Overall it's been a decent week. I've whored my blog a bunch in hopes that someone new will read it. I thank Lysie for adding me to her blog roll. I love her blog. Also I welcome Khrysten to the land of Blog, as I do Pat with Wausaumniac.

Don't forget to "Ask a CSI" (next post down) and I will say, yes there actually can be stupid questions, and no Pat I won't be tracking anyone down with their 'sexy' fingerprints. That's just wierd.

Quote of the day

It is good to have friends, even if it is in hell. -Spanish Proverb

Sweeps is on Biatches!

I have no clue who put a lime hat on their cat, but this is one of those images that I can't get enough of. It always makes me laugh, probably cos I had a cat that looked like this once, he was stupid, so we probably could have outfitted him with a lime hat. Photo used without permission as per usual. I should just et a vague general disclaimer to put at the bottom of the page about shit like this.
Again, not profiting.

The news didn't do anything for me today (except the pirate news and the trailer park destroyed by the tornados), so here is just aplain old post. I will channel Tina Fey tomorrow.

I am a TV junkie. I love the TV. I am an only child so me and the TV were good friends growing up (even though I was not a latch-key kid or something like that, I was just very unlikeable (j/k, everyone liked me!)). Sweeps is upon us, the first round of gifts that the networks give us after weeks of reruns. So I thought I would let you, my faithful readers, know what is worth watching, just in case you didn’t know already:

BTW: all times are listed in EASTERN cos that’s the way they do it. I live in Central so for me and my mid-west buds it’ll be an hour earlier. Don't blame me if you miss a show. Check out TVguide.com for more help if you can't figure it out.

Mondays:
8:00 Arrested Development – Fox - Why on earth is no one watching this show? Its frickin’ hi-larious! Plus tonight Charlize Theron is guest starring. You know you loved Jason Batemen in Dodgeball as Pepper, you will love him even more on here.

8:30 How I Met Your Mother – CBS – This show is terrific. Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan make it worth your while as they are the funniest people on this show. That said, it is a funny sitcom that makes you start to wonder just when Ted is going to meet their damn mother.

8:30 Kitchen Confidential - Fox – This show isn’t on this week, but I wish it was. Again, why is no one watching this show? It’s freaking hilarious. Based off the Anthony Bourdain book of the same name, it shows the workings of a New York Restaurant and all the drama and hilarity behind it. This show is really funny, you’ve gotta give it a chance. Plus Nicholas Brendon (formerly of Buffy), Bradley Cooper (formerly of Alias), and Jaimie King (formerly James King) are all on it, and you know you like them.

10:00 Medium – NBC - Sometimes I watch this, more often I do not. During Sweeps though it should probably be good.

Tuesdays:
8:00 Bones – Fox – It pains me to realize of all the Buffy Alumni David Boreanaz is doing the best. It also pains me that I really loved this show at first, but after missing a few episodes I realized I didn’t really miss it at all. That said, this week I will be tuning in, if only to see if it’s still worth it to watch.

9:00 Supernatural – WB- Two incredibly hot guys scour the country looking for their father and what killed their mother (and one dudes love). Did I mention they are really hot and drive around in a classic car listening to classic rock and killing all the things that go bump in the night (and all those urban legends you thought had no basis in truth). They are like Scully and Mulder with a touch of Buffy and the old school Kolchak. I did mention that they are super hotties right?

9:00 My Name is Earl – NBC – When Supernatural goes to commercial I tunr to Earl. I love this show all about karma. Plus I love Jason Lee, ever since Mallrats I have loved him. It’s nice to see him on real TV. Plus Earl and his brother are so oblivious it’s sort of refreshing to watch these 2 bound forward with reckless abandon to right Earl’s wrongs. It’s like watching kids.

10:00 Nip/Tuck – FX – Sean and Christian lead very fucked up lives for doctors. I like that. I really like that Christian is constantly either screwing his porn-star girlfriend or having a three-some with her and a female cop. The dirtiest sex on TV is on this show, plus they have a serial rapist/maimer called ‘The Cutter’ (ominous isn’t it?).

Wednesdays:

8:30 Freddie – ABC – I’m ashamed to say that I like this show. I would have never thought a show starring Sarah ‘I Can’t Act My Way Out of A Paper Bag, but You Watch Cos You Like the Way I Die on Screen’ Gellar’s hubby and that geek from 90210 who used to do Donna would be decent. It’s not just decent, it’s pretty fuckin’ funny. Or maybe I just haven’t seen enough of it to be annoyed just yet.

9:00 LOST – ABC – If you aren’t watching Lost, you apparently don’t own a TV, are missing half your brain, or got really confused when there was a polar bear on the island and stopped watching. If none of these are the case then you have no excuse. Watch this show. Tonight someone dies (ooo who’s it gonna be???) and there have been rumors its one of our lady survivors…

10:00 Invasion – ABC – This is the perfect complimentary series to Lost. Are they body snatchers? Aliens? Monsters created and unleashed by our own government in a mind control plot? Who knows (I still can’t figure it out), but I want to know, desperately. Plus the script and cinematography are great. Watch this show!

Thursday:

8:00 Smallville – WB – I don’t usually watch this, but after the Halloween episode, I might have to get back into it. James Marsters (Buffy’s Spike) as Braniac, some dude who isn’t one of Ari’s clients as Aquaman (hug it out bitch), and hottie Kristen Kreuk make this show interesting. I still have no clue what’s going on half the time, but I do know that the dude who plays Lex made bald really hot for high school guys…

9:00 Night Stalker – ABC – I know it’s not as good as the original. I know it’s REALLY dark, and needs to lighten up a bit, but come on, it’s Stuart Freakin’ Townsend. The man who will marry Charlize! Okay this week we are promised that they will return to the original arc of who or what killed Kolchalk’s wife and maimed his Gumby. I’m in.

10:00 ER – NBC – The new cast mates have breathed new life into this show, which had started to look DOA. I might watch this, or I might have something better to do, either way John Leguizamo and Kristin Johnson make for awesome new editions and almost make ER worth watching again.

Friday:

Sci-Fi Friday BITCHES! Starting at 7pm you watch Firefly, the Stargate, then Stargate Atlantis, then you turn to CBS to watch Numb3rs (cos David Krumholz is adorable and you never got over your crush on that guy from Northern Exposure), then you go back to Sci-Fi to watch the Battlestar Galactica rerun. Or you have a life and don’t watch Friday night TV.

Saturday: Shoot yourself if you are actually looking for something worthwhile on the TV. Go rent a movie. Better yet, go out and see a movie in the theaters before they give up on the medium all together.

Sunday:

8:00 Cold Case – CBS – Lily is cool and has cool hair and a cool job. Flashbacks are awesome. This show makes me want to be a real cop so I can someday be a detective and work cold cases (especially if I get to listen to cool flashback music while I do it).

10:00 Grey’s Anatomy – ABC – OMG I love this show more and more every week. Hot looking cast always up to shenanigans and saving people’s lives. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for a McDreamy & Meredith get back together after Satan leaves (please make satan leave! There can’t be that many fucked up babies in Seattle). Meredith’s life sucks, sorta like mine, only I’m not anorexically skinny, drop dead pretty or a surgery resident, but if I were, I’d be Meredith Grey.


Okay there are people who are now reading this blown away by the amount of TV I watch every week. Mind you I don’t sit there and just watch TV I do stuff while watching it, like eat snacks that aren’t good for my heart and talk on the phone about the shows that are on. Occasionally I threaten to throw my shoe at the TV after Lost, or make unintelligible noises at the TV. I also do other actual stuff, and I don’t religiously watch all of those shows.

Fuck it, why am I apologizing if you bitches would visit me more often the TV wouldn’t have to be my only friend like when I was a little kid and it was either the TV or the dog that hated me in the contest for friendship.

Car Thoughts Part I

Khrysten, for a while ws doing this thing where she would write down all the random thoughts she had in a day. Just the bizarre shit that passes through her head on a moment to moment basis. Amanda came up with the pie chart of thoughts, Khrystem took it to a new level with just listing them.

There are certain times when I do my best thinking: In the car, in the shower, and trying to fall asleep. A few weeks ago, while driving home I started writing down these thoughts. Today I bring them to you with some random thoughts from today thrown in. Welcome to the inside of my brain, it's a scary place:

1. If nothing sticks to Teflon then why can't we figure out a way to coat teeth with it and thus eliminate cavities.

2. I love burlesque. If Christina Aguilara covered "Hey Big Spender" I would go into burlesque just because that song needs to be stripped to.

3. I wish I could do cool 40's like things with my hair, ala the Devil Dolls or Gwen Stefani. I wonder if I should dye my hair again cos it's starting to look kinda awful. Should I break my vow to not cut or dye my hair until I am out of Wausau?

4. Jubal Early from Firefly is just like Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho."

5. Is biodegradable food trash still litter if you throw it out the window? Like can a French Fry get you a $200 fine even though a mouse might eat it?

6. Not only did birth control go untaught in Wausau, so did driving skills. How did these people get licenses?

7. Am I girly enough? Or will I forever be the buddy chick that guys fuck but don't date? Is my mother right, would lipstick and skirts improve my odds?

8. Why do I care about #7? I hate the word date.

9. I have like 6 books started, I really should finish at least one of them.

10. Apparently I just can't finish anything cos half of my existence is half-done. I've lived my apartment for a year and I still haven't unpacked everything. Moving is so overrated, I don't know why people do it so often.

11. If I got in a car accident right now and was really injured who would come and visit me in the hospital? Would this be one of those true tests of how good a friend is? How would people even find out I was badly injured? Who are my fair-weathered friends?

12. I love the BeeGees.

13. Will Ferrell reminds me of Michael. I don't know why, execpt to think that maybe someday in the future Michael will resemble Will Ferrell.

14. I wonder where my high school friends are. I wonder where my raver friends are. I wonder whatever happened to Theresa who was my friend for like many years and who just sort of disappeared off of my radar.

15. There is no such thing as absolute truth, there is only the perceived truth of an individual. All truth is clouded by personal experience and worldview of the individual. What is a fact for one person may not be as such for another. Honesty is a facade, an idea to make people feel like they aren't being betrayed or hurt. We are all liars of a sort. But if there is no actual truth then there can be no absolute lies, because all lies will be tainted with some level of the truth. Fuck!

Okay so #15 was a falling asleep thought that kept me awake for like a hour. At least it wasn't the BeeGees that kept me up.

UPDATE: Khyrsten will be posting her lists for all to see!! She's been added to my blog list, go check her out!!

Take Me Back Kevin Nealon!

Photo of Kevin Nealon used without permission from Saturday Night Live's website, but it's not like I'm profiting, I mean honestly, it's just Kevin Nealon, it's not like I am using a photo of someone important.

As per Khrysten's request the news is back (plus after looking at it today there was just no way I could abandon the news today)! Enjoy....

Libya: Not Havin' the Blogger

We Just Can't Keep Track of Our Prisoners Anywhere!

On a Ship Called Irony...

Burn Paris Burn, It's a Youth Inferno Those French kids need another outlet for their anger, has anyone thought of forming a militia?

This Botmaster is Not Named Warren or Mr. Universe

Cos It's Like Our Blitz, Only With the Poor and Black Camilla and Charles to tour New Orleans

Off With Their Thumbs! Let Them Eat Paint!

Wait, Someone in Kansas Believes in Evolution?

Wait, Bush Believes in Human Rights?

The Real Zoo: Prague The Gorillas on this show are probably more intersting than the shit people they keep putting on the real world, plus I bet they throw poo.

I'm Black Eyed Gurl, and That's news to me

TGIF!! (not)

So, it's Friday. Yippee fuckin' yay. This is my end of week wrap up.

Things I learned this week:
#1 I am not allowed to use the term 'shout-out,' I am just way too white or something
#2 Whore-o-Ween may lead to emergency room visits, and nebulizers
#3 Someone besides Amanda and Khrysten actually reads this thing (I'd like to give a sh.. never mind, hi Justin!)

Karma's Bitch of the Week: Khrysten (and consequently Dave) for bein' sicker than a dog and cos her husband may be joining the land of unemployed people January 1st. Congrats girl, I heard there is a summer sausage on your way (in an invisible car, with your complimentary bitches).

Personal Anthem of the Week: Fiona Apple's Shadowboxer
Moments That Made Me Feel Shiny:
#1 Surprising my Aunt for her birthday, her declaring I was the best thing about our family (or something like that, she was kinda drunk)
#2 Michael calling me from his corner bar in New York to declare that the new Depeche Mode album is the bestest, and for missing me. It feels good to be missed darling, and to be called a bad DM fan and a bad friend, I swear I'm working on both.

Harrowing Experience of the Week: Wausau's DMV. I was #80, they were on #33 and there were only 2 windows open. I took my chances and just dropped the registration in the box cos this was just terrifying. When a woman with 6 children stumbles in, and you know you have a minimum of a 2 hours wait, you know it is time to get the fuck out (cos none of those kids were on leashes or otherwise restrained).

Best Movie I Saw All Week: The Anarchist's Cookbook, starring Brain Krakow from My So Called Life (better known as Devon Gummersall), absolutely brilliant. Funny but bittersweet, a good movie to think about afterwards, I give it 4 blackeyes out of 5.

Best TV I Saw All Week: How I Met Your Mother, I just want an hour of Alyson Hannigan and Neil Patrick Harris riffing off of each other. Too funny. Too bad Arrested Development comes back this week so I won't be finding out how anyone met someone's mother for a while. An honorary mention goes to My Name is Earl cos that show is just too smart for it's own good.

Best New (well it's new to me) Place to Get Crap: Archie McPhee

Overall this week has been far more traumatic for those around me than for me. Which was kind of nice for a change. This has been my first drama-free week in a good while. I have a feeling the longer I troll away up here in Wausau the less drama I will have. Which is kinda good, cos I don't really think I can handle any more right now.

BTW: I am discontinuing the news. IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO THAT: leave me a comment (see there's this little thing below this post in blue that says 'comment' just click on it and let me have it).

I may feel inspired to post more a little later, but I think I caught the creeping ick that Khyrsten has cos I'm kinda out of fun right now.

Classic Goth, is that like American Gothic?

You scored as Classic Goth. Classic! the best kind! actually, you're probably a little of every kind of Goth! you love the old-school stuff! too bad there arent more of your kind around here any more... Classic Goth 100% Denial Goth 88% Romantic Goth 88% Industrial Goth 63% Poser Goth 38% The True Goth Quiz created with QuizFarm.com

Trust me, I'm just as shocked..

No New Lost, So Read Damnit!

There is no new Lost tonight, what will you do? Well you could read the news below and comment on it if you wanted. Or you could just get caught up on that counted cross-stitch you've been putting off...

Democrats Shutdown Senate Over Lack of Transparent Government, Secret Meetings to Begin Soon

Venezuelan Leader Wants to Share His Toys with Communists!

What Would You Like on Your Tombstone?

French Kids Still At It! Riots Spread!

Bomba: Australian For Terror

The Levees Still Suck, Let's Get Some Dykes on it!

Red Wine, Went to Tut's Head

Bush's Head as Empty as His POckets

Here's a shout-out to Khrysten who is once again near death (what did we do to karma???). I hope you are feeling better girl, and I hate being so far away to not be able to help take care of you! Don't let Sammy's grilled meats get you down!

Apocalypse Why?

"When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse." - Riley Finn, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "A New Man"

I have car thoughts. Car thoughts are these things that creep into your brain when you are driving, and because you are alone, you can think about them (whether or not you want to). Last weekend, on my way home from Milwaukee, as per usual my brain was going about a million miles a second. I was ruminating over the events of the last few weeks of my life (in a very, 'why does karma hate me' sort of way), and I had a sort of epiphany about the title of this blog, and why I am so attracted to the statement.


"Plural of Apocalypse" isn't just the title of this blog, it's the name of my eBay company (Plural of Apocalypse Cards and Collectibles or Plural of Apocalypse Creations depending on the items). It came abut originally because I needed something catchy and Buffy-like to get people to buy my excess trading cards. My screen name, Blackeyedgurl (and all derevations there of), is also from Buffy. When Willow finally snaps she turns into this evil rage and pain driven witch, her eyes go black her hair goes black, it's black all around. When she is trying to destroy the world Xander, her best friend tries to stop her and says "hey there black eyed gurl" and gives a moving speech about how if the world is ending, he wants to be with her through it. It's heart breaking stuff, but mostly I just love it when Alyson Hannigan gets to be mean.

Back to my point. The "Plural of Apocalypse" speech is one of the only moments I think Amanda and myself didn't want to put a fork in the eye of Riley Finn. The idea of there being multiple apocalypses, averted every day was entertaining. Now I see why I enjoyed it so much.

My life is nothing more than a series of tiny apocalypses (what is the actual plural damnit?). We joke that I am karma's bitch and that I may have sold my soul to satan for a cheeto when I was 5, cos if bad shit is going to happen, it'll probably happen to me. It has nothing to do with luck, cos most of these tragedies are not brought on by myself. They are forced upon me by outside forces, which some how makes it worse.

For instance, a few weeks ago the house I grew up in fell apart, literally. My parents are trying to sell it, and I hate them for this, so I hadn't been past the old homestead in quite some time. It's also down towards Milwaukee, so it's not like it's up the street from me. The week that this happened during was already a mess, and I was running late to get down to Milwaukee for a weekend of enjoying my friends. I left my house at 7pm, somehow I was to Delafield before 10pm. This is normally a minimum of a 3 hour drive. Whatever.

Cos I was feeling especially useless and messy I decided to stop by the house. See the last time I was really happy in my life was in that house, I somehow correlate happy to this house in my head. Mostly I was just looking for something stable, something that I could always count on, and that house was it.

I pulled into the driveway, and immediately backed out. By now I was crying cos I was just so miserable already, and this was harder than I thought (with the For Sale sign outside and no signs of life). Then I decided I would pick a flower from the gardens I had once so meticulously cared for and leave. Then I decided I would look in just to make sure that everyting was fine. This was my mistake.

When I looked in I could see water, I sould see that the ceiling of our kitchen/dinette was gone. There was mold and drywall and insulation everywhere. And of course I had no way to get in. I called my mother who tried to locate my father who was hunting out by the Mississippi river. She couldn't find him. See whenever bad shit happens, my father is mysteriously missing. Every damn time, I end up taking care of it. This was previously my mother's job, but now I am the more responsible party.

By now, I am bawling. Why? I was crying for my father. For thelast year my father had put everything into this house to make it beautiful to sell. New woodwork, new doors, new paint, new flooring, remodeled kitchen and bathroom, new everything. And now it was all destroyed. All his work was gone. I had helped him with most of it, and some of the work was older, we laid the wood floor in the living room when I was 11 or 12, I remember him showing me how to use the nail gun (cos yes, I can handle a nail gun, and get a manicure). That floor was ours. And now, it was water logged and warping.

I eventually got into the house and took care of everything. But it was just the fact that it happened, and this is the sort of shit that doesn't happen to anyone, that made it so ideally me.

Last week I got notification that I am being taken to collections personally for the financial responsibilities of my fathers old company cos I was the advertising contact. The company in question doesn't believe that I was not a share holder or officer, so they are going after me. The company doesn't even exist anymore, but they want their money, and if they can't get it that way, they will come after me.

Basically this is the sort of shit that happens to me all of the time. I use humor to deal with all of it cos if I didn't I'd probably turn into the BlackEyedGurl and try to kill people and destroy the world. Most of the time it's little stuff, but every now and then I get slammed repeatedly with the worst crap ever. It's always been like this, I can't remember my life without monthly tests of my strength of will.

But this is why I am a survivor, this is why I don't or can't ever give up. If I did I might as well step in front of a bus or drive my car off the cliff at a quarry (smooth jazz can drive one to do this as well ;)). So I will continue to deal with my apocalypses, cos if I don't, while the greater world may not be destroyed, mine would be. There would be nothing left but rubble, and Keith Richards and about 15 cockroaches.

And just remember even if karma isn't getting you back from something shitty you do, it's probably coming after me, and I really don't deserve it, so be kind.

BTW: HUGE thanks to Bonanza Jellybean for adding me to her Blog list. I feel honored. Cos it's the only place besides Amanda's Quarter Lifer and my secondary blog (Plural of Apocalypse Part Deux, which is run by people with equally apocalyptic lives) that I am listed. So thanks! Hopefully some of my readers (do I even have readers?) will head over to Bonanza's and check her out. Cos she rulez with a z.

Tuesday: It's Monday, the Sequel

HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY!!

All the news you might want to read:

Bush's Bird Flu Solution? Throw Money at It.

It's Just Not Safe to Hand Out Candy to Strangers

Buster Bluth Ain't Alone in Needing Seal Revenge

French Teens Riot for 5th Night (French Riot = Awesome)

Quadruple Jeopardy is More Like it

Leader of the Infidels Assasination Plot Quashed, Scooby Doo not Involved

Eh, I wish there was more intersting news, but without a hurricane or actual bird flu strikes, the news just ain't what it used to be...

Tomorrow is All Souls Day, don't forget to celebrate (those without souls are in fact screwed, yes that means us Khrysten!)